//Happy Holidays everyone! Here's a little gift to everyone who's always given me so much support in my writing.
Amelia wasn't sure she was able to feel so many emotions all at once. It was nearly a similar experience to when she first held Max and Annie right after they were born. Every part of her felt like it was pushing against her skin. All the feelings were just ready to burst out of her.
Excitement, impatience, hope, longing, and yet there was a sadness. They would finally be reunited but there would still be those years they lost. They could never get that time back.
Max was bouncing up and down by the door. "C'mon mum!" He yelled.
"I'm coming, I'm coming." Amelia hurried downstairs with Annie in her arms. "It's a little early, poppet."
"I wanna be there though." The almost eight-year-old protested.
"We'll get there soon enough, it's not too far." Amelia opened the door and let Annie down. "We need to wait here for the rest."
Max whined. "But what if we miss the train?"
"We won't, I promise. Daddy will still be there waiting for us." Amelia couldn't exactly blame him though. She was praying that the train wasn't late. She had waited years for this day but now couldn't even stand to wait another minute. "Look, Max, here they come."
Polly, Martha, and the children were coming down the street all looking to be in good spirits.
"Race ya to the train station!" Finn yelled to Max and before anyone could stop them, the young boys were sprinting down the lane.
"Max!" Amelia called after him but there was no use.
"They'll be alright," Polly assured her.
"He hasn't been able to stand still all morning." Amelia laughed softly as they began to walk, Annie holding onto her hand. "I don't even think he slept a wink."
"It doesn't feel real," Martha said, already clutching her handkerchief close, tears welling up in her eyes. "It feels like a dream."
There was a crowd of people swarming the train station to welcome back loved ones. Max and Finn had climbed up on a brick wall to see over everyone.
Amelia came and gently held Max's ankle just to make sure he didn't topple over.
The energy in the air was almost electric. People were chattering happily about finally getting to kiss and hug the people they'd missed for so long.
"There's the train!" Finn called out.
Amelia's heart was racing as she heard the train whistle sound from a close distance. She picked up Annie who seemed a little nervous about the crowd around her.
"Mum, look!" Max cried as the train slowly pulled into the station. Dozens of uniformed men came spilling out of the train cars, all searching for their family and friends.
People were calling out names and joyfully reuniting.
Finn suddenly shouted. "Arthur!" He jumped from the wall and disappeared into the crowd.
Four years of waiting, and when Amelia heard them nearby, she began to cry.
Tommy found Max first, rushing over to him. Max shouted with delight as he jumped into his father's arms.
"Daddy!"
"Look at you, aye? Look how much you've grown." The young man was overcome with melancholy.
"Tom," Amelia called out to him.
His breath caught in his throat when he saw his wife standing nearby with their daughter in her arms. He came over with Max and embraced all three of them as close as he could. "I'm here, s'alright." He whispered softly when he heard Amelia sobbing against his shoulder. "S'alright."
When Amelia withdrew, she tried to compose herself. "Annie, daddy's home. Aren't you so happy to meet him?"
The little girl looked a bit shy when she saw the man who was in the photographs on their mantle.
"C'mere, will you give dad a cuddle?" Tommy asked hopefully, holding out his free arm.
Annie smiled. She appeared to recognize the voice she'd heard over the phone a month earlier. Amelia gave her to him. The little girl peered at him curiously, almost as if she was trying to see the similarities between the photograph and him standing there in real life. She touched his cheek and giggled softly.
Tommy felt an immense relief, hugging his two children close.
After reuniting with the rest of the Shelbys and the other 179th boys, they all parted ways before the big dinner they were going to have together to celebrate their homecoming.
Tommy carried Annie back home and held Max's hand. The little boy was chattering on about all the things he could think of that Tommy missed.
Amelia kept glancing over at her husband. It was hard to believe he was really there in the flesh. It wasn't just another cruel dream she would wake up from. He was there for good.
But every time she looked over at him, she noticed the subtle differences.
He looked older, less boyish than before. Whether it was time's doing or stress, Amelia wasn't sure. She had a feeling she looked much older as well.
He looked tired. Not just a lack of sleep but a deep exhaustion that settled deep in the bones. A weariness that sleep couldn't cure.
He walked differently. Less like a confident young man and more like a soldier.
Maybe it would be temporary changes. Amelia could only hope that once he settled back into life in Birmingham, he'd go back to being the same old Tommy. But it was wishful thinking and even she knew that deep down.
When they got into the flat, Tommy set Annie down. She went to retrieve her teddy bear from the kitchen where she'd left it. She held it up to her father to see.
"Look at that, aye?" He picked up the bear.
"Mummy said you sent them to us," Max said. "For Christmas."
Tommy met Amelia's eyes. She smiled slightly although she still looked on the verge of tears. "Yeah, that's right." He nodded. "I gave them to Father Christmas so he'd bring them to you."
"Annie loves her bear, don't you, poppet?" Amelia said softly.
The little girl giggled shyly and went to cling to her mother's skirt.
"Well, it seems very well-loved." Tommy knelt down to give the teddy back to her.
Annie took the bear back and yawned. It seemed all the excitement of the day was starting to catch up with her.
"Want to go down for a nap, love?" Amelia wondered, stooping down to pick her daughter up. Annie shrugged and rested her cheek on her mother's shoulder, her eyelids drooping. "I think some rest will do you some good." She murmured. "Then when we have dinner with everyone, you won't be tired."
"Want me to take her up?" Tommy offered. He didn't want to sit on the sidelines anymore. Every opportunity he could have to be a father, he would take.
"Sure." Amelia smiled and handed Annie over to him. "Max, want to help me make some lunch?"
Her son looked hesitant. It appeared he wanted to stay around Tommy even if he was just going upstairs. "Okay."
"I'll be right back," Tommy promised him before heading upstairs with Annie in his arms. He got to the hallway and realized he wasn't sure where Amelia had put Annie's nursery.
Max's room was across from his and Amelia's. There was only one other bedroom, but maybe Amelia had moved things around. Maybe she kept Max's room as a nursery and put
Annie in there, switching him over to the other room.
Annie yawned and snapped Tommy out of his daze. He felt as if he opened the door to find he was wrong; it would hurt him deeply. Such a simple thing that he didn't know.
But he wasn't going to stand there all night with a sleepy toddler in his arms. So he decided to go for the bedroom that had been empty before he left for France.
There, he found what must've been his daughter's room. There was a floral-patterned quilt on the little bed with a pink cloth doll sitting by the pillow.
"Here we are." Tommy pulled back the covers and set Annie down in the bed. "Got your teddy, all cozy?"
The little girl nodded and began to drift off before her head even hit the pillow.
Her father tucked her in, but couldn't get himself to leave. Doing his best not to wake her, he sat on the edge of the bed. He had thought about that moment many times. The moment he finally met his daughter for the first time. To finally see the little girl that he watched grow up through sporadic pictures.
It made him sick to his stomach to know how much he missed. He knew how much he was missing when he was in France, but finally be home, it hit him like a brick.
She was in her own bed, not a crib. She was walking around. She was talking in sentences.
When Max was growing up, Tommy couldn't believe how fast time went by. One second, he was holding a newborn in his arms, the next he was watching him walk and talk. With Annie, he couldn't even look back to remember a time before that day. Suddenly, he had this three-year-old. It was as if he had been struck with amnesia. There was nothing to remember about her before that day in 1918.
Sure, there were stories and pictures from Amelia, but it wasn't the same. Tommy felt cheated.
The door to Annie's room opened and Amelia came in. "Is she asleep?" She whispered.
Tommy nodded.
She noticed the torn look on his face. There was so much she wanted to say, but she wasn't sure if any of it would be helpful. She didn't want to talk down on him, didn't want to act like she could fix him, or knew what he had gone through. They had all struggled, but Annie knew that at the end of the day, she had been with their children the entire time. Tommy had been robbed of all the memories that she had with Max and Annie. Yet, there was nothing Amelia could do to make it up to him.
She knelt down in front of him and took his hands in hers. "We'll be alright." She said quietly so she wouldn't wake Annie.
Tommy didn't say anything. It was almost as if he was looking right through her.
Six Watery Lane hadn't been so alive in years. Sure, it had been filled with children, but having the Shelby boys back brought back the soul of the flat. Despite all everyone went through, at least things were somewhat back to where they were meant to be.
A big meal was prepared and the whole house was full of chatter and laughter. Everyone felt at ease that they were all back together without any losses to mourn.
However, whether the others noticed or not, Arthur, Tommy, and John appeared to be faking a lot of their uplifted spirits. Sure, they were thrilled to be back home. But they didn't leave the memories of war behind the second they stepped back onto British soil. No, there would be nothing to erase those memories. Now, the three men could only pretend for the sake of their family that things were okay. Whether they could keep up the façade for much longer was proving to be a challenging question.
After dinner, when the activity began to die down and the children all became cranky from being tired, the family again parted ways. Tommy and Amelia brought Max and Annie home down the street after saying their goodbyes.
Annie was already asleep in Amelia's arms and Max was just about ready to doze off against Tommy's shoulder.
The two parents put them both to sleep before retiring to their bedroom.
Before Tommy could even take his coat off, Amelia pulled him into a deep kiss. The whole day she'd been yearning after him but felt it wasn't appropriate to take him away from the children or his family. So, she was patient and waited until they were alone for the night.
It was a welcome release for Tommy who found it easy to get lost in his wife's embrace. All day he had been battling himself. He was trying to put the horrors of war out of his mind as best he could. He wanted to put all his focus on his family. He wanted to be happy to see them. But there was that dark feeling he couldn't shake that things wouldn't be the same after what he'd seen.
But Amelia gave him the outlet to completely abandon his thoughts. As she undressed him, he could only think about her fingertips brushing against him. He could only focus on the mechanics of taking off her dress. There was no space to think about the sound of shovels.
He could only hear her soft breathing and the sound of her dress falling to the floor.
"I've missed you so much." She whispered against his lips.
The sound of her voice was so calming. It allowed Tommy to breathe evenly as he scooped her up and carried her to the bed.
"I'm here now." He replied, laying her down gently.
"I'm all yours, Tommy." She knotted her fingers in his hair as he hovered over her. "I always will be. Just please be all mine."
"I always have been." He captured her lips again.
Around midnight that same night, Tommy got up out of bed. He wasn't used to having a nice bed and time to sleep. He was so accustomed to sleeping less than a few hours at a time in the damp, cold trenches.
Now, despite having a pillow to rest his head on, he couldn't sleep very long. His body had been trained to stay up long hours so it probably would take time to adjust.
Amelia was still fast asleep as he slipped out from under the covers. He went to his coat that had been discarded on the floor to find his cigarette tin. Taking one out, he struck up a match to light it and sat down on the foot of the bed.
The quiet of the flat was starting to make his mind numb. The only time things were quiet in the tunnels was when they were trying to avoid detection from the Germans. They moved stealthily along the dark passageways. Other than that, Tommy was used to the constant sound of explosives, gunfire, and men dying around him.
The silence of the flat felt so unnatural that it made his skin crawl. He didn't want to hear the sounds of war ever again, but at the same time, he felt as if he'd been so conditioned to it that he couldn't stand the silence. It only allowed for his thoughts to run rampant. To allow for mental images to come up in his brain. Things he wished so desperately that he could erase from his memory.
Then, the more his thoughts raced, the louder the sound of shovels became. The dull thumping sound continued over and over again. Louder and louder until Tommy nearly jumped out of his skin.
They sounded so close. It sounded so real. This all had to be a dream. He wasn't back in Birmingham with Amelia and the children. No, he was still in the tunnels. The sound of the shovels was real. The bedroom around him was merely a realistic dream.
"Tommy?"
The shovels faded when he heard Amelia call out to him. He was almost afraid to turn around. Maybe he would turn around and realize that it was just a cruel dream. He'd turn around and no one would be there. Then he would wake up back in the trenches.
"Tommy, are you alright?"
There was a rustling of the sheets and he felt a hand on his shoulder. It felt so real. How could it feel so real with the sound of the shovels were so real too?
"Please look at me." She begged.
Tommy turned and felt relief wash over him when he saw his wife kneeling behind him. She looked terribly concerned. "Sorry." He muttered. "Just thinking."
"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked.
He shook his head. "No, you can go back to sleep."
She didn't move a muscle. "Tommy, I don't want you to suffer alone. If there's something bothering you, please, I want to try to understand. I know that there's so much you experienced that I'll never get. But if I can just be someone you can talk to, that would mean so much to me. I want to be there for you. I feel like that's what a wife is supposed to be."
"I know." He put his head in her lap. "I appreciate it, Mel. I just don't know what else to tell you."
She gently combed his hair back. It was much longer than he usually kept it. She wondered if he would cut it in the next couple of days. "What can I do to help you?"
"If you want to help me, don't doubt yourself as my wife." He closed his eyes and tried to get lost in her soothing touch.
Amelia gently massaged his face, trying to ease the tension in his muscles. "Will you come to church with me tomorrow?"
"I didn't know you attended church." He replied. A long time ago he could recall instances when she would go to Sunday service with the Shelby children. Though he couldn't remember her parents ever being religious.
"I've been going with Polly. Talking to Father Carr helped when you were away." She explained. "Especially when I was pregnant with Annie."
He opened his eyes to look up at her. "I'll go with you."
She smiled. The same smile that Tommy yearned to see again. "Then maybe we can take the kids out to the park or something?"
"Yeah, there's a lot I've missed."