An Arrow To The Chest

Chapter 39

My thumb hovers over the 'Click Send' button, trying to decide whether this was a good idea or not. The word 'Hi' stares back at me- only two letters, but still somehow intimidating.

After his message a few days ago, I couldn't shake the feeling that our dynamic had changed. Were we friendly enough to just casually hang out? Could I text him and ask, instead of trying to guess whether he'd be in the kitchen or his room? The need to talk to him was like an itch just out of reach, and knowing it could be as easy as sending a message made my head rush.

What's the worst that could happen?

Arrow could read my message then leave me on 'seen', which would be embarrassing but not the end of the world. Well, it might feel like it for five minutes.

I delete the two letters and think of something else I could send.

'Wanna hang?' No, it sounded too cringe. When did I start using phrases like 'hang'.

Maybe I could pretend I needed something from him, and then there would be a purpose behind the message.

'Hey Arrow, I need some sugar for a recipe, can I borrow some?'

What if he checks my cupboard and realises I'm lying? Furthermore, I would have to actually follow through and bake something, which I'm awful at. I hit the delete button until it's an empty screen again, and chuck my phone to the side of my bed.

Man up Eloise, it's just a message to a boy, nothing to get worked up over.

'I've got another photography assignment. Do you know any other places I can photograph?' –Eloise

I click send before I have time to overthink, then stare at the screen and wait for a reply. I can see the green circle by his name, signalling he's online, so why isn't he opening it immediately? A minute passes. Then two. After five minutes I realise that it's pretty sad to stare at my screen and try to distract myself with social media instead.

'What's the assignment?' –Arrow

I hate the stupid smile that overtakes my face when I see his reply pop up and have to physically stop myself from opening and replying immediately.

I can only make myself wait two minutes.

'Black and white photography. Any ideas?' -Eloise

'No' -Arrow

The satisfaction of getting a reply so quickly is cut short, with his reply terminating the conversation. I try to think of a way to keep the conversation going, willing to even say 'thank you for trying to help', despite how wet it sounds. Just as I think all hope is lost, I see the typing icon by his name.

'B&W nude photography is popular?' - Arrow

Thankfully no-one is in the room to see the bright red colour my cheeks flush, and I bite my lip as I try to think of a witty response.

'I don't think anyone wants to see you naked' - Eloise

'Who said I was referring to me?'-Arrow

My breath hitches in my throat as I type my response.

'Who are you referring to then?' - Eloise

'I've seen a lot of naked females. What kind of body do you wanna photograph?' - Arrow

This is not how I saw the conversation going, and I feel stupid for thinking he was somehow flirting with me. The light-headed, almost drunk feeling the conversation was giving me suddenly burst, replaced with a bitter tone in the back of my mind. Moreover, the fact that he's probably imaging all the naked girls he's seen pisses me off, a fit of unwanted jealousy stirring at the pit of my stomach. Was he purposefully just trying to rile me up? Did he realise how annoyed the idea of him and others made me?

'Not too interested in photographing one of your one-night stands if I'm honest.' –Eloise

'Your loss' –Arrow

Straight after he sends the message the green circle by his profile disappears, signalling he's gone offline, and an annoyed moan falls from my lips. I scroll up and re-read the two-minute conversation again, trying to work out if there was anything I could have said to keep the dialogue going. Maybe I just needed to face the truth- Arrow Cartier just wasn't that interested in me.

Just like that, I was back to having no plans.

No-one warns you quite how lonely University can feel. Stuck in a weird limbo of letting go of home, and embracing the new environment. Trying to become close friends with people you have absolutely nothing in common with.

I distinctively reach for my phone to call Jenny, momentarily forgetting I'm meant to be annoyed at her over Jackson. I miss her; I miss having a stable rock in my life that I can count on. She's probably just feeling lonely like I am, and reaching out to Jackson as a friend in need. Nothing more. I have nothing to worry about.

I click on Facetime, but the phone barely rings before it's declined, and I'm left looking at my sad face as a reflection. So much for being 'my rock'.

What if I was having an emergency? What could be so important that she was too busy to click the answer button for a second? Jenny always picked up, even if it was to tell me she'd call me back later. I nervously chew on my lip, trying to stop the invasive thoughts from creeping back in.

Before I can convince myself its a bad idea I have maps open, locating her whereabouts through an app. I check Manchester University, expecting to see her icon hovering over where I know her accommodation is. Nothing. I move around- perhaps she's visiting a friend and hasn't told me?

Where the fuck are you Jenny?

I give up then click home, frowning when I see her icon. There it is, clear as day, Jenny's avatar hovering over our hometown. She's back and hasn't told me? I had assumed we'd time our visits together, only I hardly heard from her anymore. When had my best friend started to pull away from me?

And what if she was there to see Jackson?

As always, a big thank you to all those supporting this story. A special thank you to those that commented on the last chapter, including Donna-Louise, mipsmurfy, tracilarose91381, sophieupton . It's so rewarding knowing that people are actually enjoying my story! Next Chapter is already written, just needs some editing