I open the door and I see Emily dressed in her usual out of work clothes. She looks like she had been crying.
"Hey" I say quietly not looking her in the eyes
Emily isn't having it and gently grabs my chin to bring my face up to hers.
"What's going on Y/n? You've been avoiding me the passed two weeks and now you want to talk"
I turn around and wrap my arms around myself. I pace around for a couple seconds before I walk over to my couch and sit down, putting my elbows on my knees and holding my head in my hands. Emily closes my door and places her bag down next to it. She comes and sits next to me.
"Talk to me"
When I lift my head up to look at her she frowns. I hadn't realized I started crying. Emily cradles my face in her hands while she wipes away my tears.
"I'm s-sorry fro avoiding you Em and for saying what I did" I say as my voice cracks
"Theres nothing to be sorry for it's okay" She trys to comfort me and pull me into a hug but I move away.
"N-no!" I raise my voice and her eyes widen
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell but it's not okay. The things I said to you were horrible and you didn't deserve that." I let out a quiet sob
"No I didn't but there's clearly more going on than you're telling me"
I nod in agreement.
"That's why I asked to talk Em I want you to know why I reacted the way I did"
She says okay and I take a deep breath before I start talking.
I start by telling her how I was raised catholic and how I was forced into believing in it. Forced to go to church every Sunday, forced to believe loving someone of the same gender was wrong. Forced to believe so many normal things were wrong. She looks confused until I add on what I'm now trying to accept.
"I started to think girls were pretty in 8th grade. It started with sometimes thinking a girl was pretty that I walked by. Well actually if I'm being really honest it started with my best friend Luna in 7th grade. We always changed in front of each other because we had been friends our whole lives."
She opens her mouth and says oh when she starts to put two and two together. Emily goes to talk but I put my hand up as tears continue to stream down my face.
"Please Em let me finish" I say as my voice shakes
She just nods her head and lets out a quiet okay
"I never looked before because it seemed like such a strange thing but for some reason one day I looked. And I didn't want to look away. Thankfully she didn't notice but I couldn't stop thinking about it. I pushed those thoughts down until I watched a movie I wasn't supposed to. There was this really pretty girl in one of the scenes and I rewatched it a bunch. I pushed those thoughts down again until 10th grade"
I told her about my mother finding us kissing and how I never saw Luna again.
"Oh god Y/n I'm so sorry"
"And after that I've pushed those thoughts down until well you"
Emily looks at me confused "Until me" She raises her eyebrows
"Y-yeah what I said when I was drunk I meant it"
"Oh Y/n"
I get up and start pacing again.
"i just I-I don't know what to do with these feelings. And and I have been told it's wrong my whole life but I-I know it isn't. And the way I feel about you it um it consumes me in a way I never thought could happen" I speak panicked
VOCÊ ESTÁ LENDO
Coming to Terms
FanficA story of finding self love in who you love. Y/n has struggled with sexuality all her life as she was always told liking girls was a sin. When she first steps into the BAU and locks eyes with Agent Emily Prentiss she felt something, but knew she ha...
