Coming to Terms

Chapter 17 The Hospital Room

The hospital is one of my least favorite places to be. Before I started working at the BAU I had only been to the hospital a handful of times, but that quickly changed after I was hired. We're constantly at the hospital to interview victims. I never thought the reason I'd walk the walls of this cold Virginia hospital would be because of Emily.

I feel floaty. Voices are quiet. I can't hear anything but my racing thoughts.

I know I need to apologize to Emily. Some may think Emily should apologize to me for walking out. I disagree. I have been a lot and even though she knew what she was signing up for, she probably didn't realize how hard it would be.

I need to tell Emily the truth. The truth that is I am completely and utterly in love with her.

I'm so out of it that I can barely even hear that horrible voice in my head that tells me Emily's a girl and I can't feel that way about her.

Spencer assured me the whole way here that Emily was going to be okay. He didn't know the extent of her injuries, but he knew it wasn't severe.

"Here we are."

The nurses voice startled me. My vision comes back into focus and I look through the glass window at Emily. I can feel my heart physically strained from seeing her. My eyes fill as I take in the cut on her right cheek, and the faint bruise that's starting to form around it.

"She is sleeping now, but Emily should wake up soon."

"Thank you." I tell the doctor without taking my eyes off Emily.

I jump when Spencer's hand touches my back gently.  He leans in slightly and whispers in my ear.

"Did you know the supreme court has their own basketball team?"

I let out a quiet, dry laugh. Normally I would've had a hard time breathing from laughing so much at the random fact, but my brain has stopped working. All I see is the love of my life on the hospital bed. Bruises on her arm and a cast on her leg.

I could not have asked for a better friend to be here with me now. Spencer doesn't push me to talk. He knows exactly what brings me comfort.

"Are you ready to go in?" Spencer asks.

His voice barely registers in my brain, but I nod off instinct.

Spencers hand leaves my back and opens the hospital room door. As I slowly, like a zombie, walk into her room I turn my head slightly and see the number on the wall.

224

The image of that number is now stuck in my head.

"Y/n?"

Spencer voice makes me left my head slowly and look at him.

"hm?"

Spencer isn't wear he was before. He's standing by the end of Emily's hospital bed, holding two coffees.

Wait?

When did I sit down?

Spencer walks over to me and sits in the chair next to me.

"Hey it's okay." He says softly. "I know this all feel surreal." He laughs dryly. "I can't imagine how you feel Y/n. I feel out of it and she's not the love of my life. You seemed to be dissociating. I'm assuming you know what that is?"

I nod.

Of course I know what dissociation is. I wouldn't be good at my job if I didn't have a handle around different mental disorders. Now that I think about this I am dissociating.

"Do you remember walking into the room?"

I nod.

"Do you remember how you got to this chair?"

I shake my head.

"Do you know how much time has passed?"

I shake my head again.

"When we walked into the room you stared at Emily without even blinking for about 20 minutes before you sat down in the chair without saying a word. You've been sitting like that for" Spencer checks his watch. "About two hours."

I make an o shape with my lips but don't say anything. I haven't had an episode this bad since what happened with Luna in 9th grade.

Spencer takes the seat next to me.

"Do you want to be more present?"

I nod.

He smiles slightly. "Okay so we're gonna do an exercise. Are you ready?"

I nod.

"What are five items or people you can see?"

I look around the room.

"Chairs." I speak quietly.

"Good good. Now four more."

"Um The tv. You. Your button up shirt, and" I take a pause. "Emily."

Spencer smiles and placed the coffees on the table in between our chairs.

"Good job Y/n. Are you okay to continue?"

He takes my hand in his and squeezes.

I nod. I'm already starting to slightly feel back into the moment.

"Four items you can feel."

"My sweater, your hand, this uncomfortable chair."

"They are quite uncomfortable."

We both laugh at that.

"Uhh." I look around the room for another item I can feel.

"Oh wait here." Spencer says and picks up one of the
coffees.

"For you."

I smile slightly and take the coffee.

"I can feel the coffee in my hand."

"Three sounds you can hear?"

"My racing thoughts, your breathing and um Emily's heart monitor."

Spencer squeezes my hand twice.

"Two scents you can smell?"

"This coffee" I take a sip of the warm coffee. "And hospital."

"Okay last one. What's one thing you can taste?"

"My pumpkin coffee."

"I'm so proud of you Y/n."

I put my coffee on the table and stand up. Spencer follows my actions. I look at him.

"Thank you Spencer, so much"

"You don't have to thank me Y/n you know this."

"I know, but I want to."

I engulf Spencer in quite possibly the biggest hug I've ever given him. I will never be able to make it up to him for how amazing he is. Spencer in truly the very best friend anyone could ask for.

Just as we are about to pull away we hear someone speak.

"Y/n? Spencer?"

I let go of Spencer immediately and turn around.

"Emily?"