Coming to Terms

Chapter 15 Moonlight

I wake up feeling oddly peaceful. I haven't felt this much at peace since I first self harmed. My thoughts start to get taken away into yesterday and all that happened. Zoning out is one of my specialities, I do it more often than not. When I zone out it's like I go back into the moment of what happened.   It's nice when I think about a happy memory. Most times I found myself involuntarly smiling from the joy I felt in that moment. The times where I'm remembering a not so happy memory it hurts just as much as it did when it first happened. If I had the choice I'm not sure if I would give this up.Does the good outweigh the bad? I don't think so, but it's nice to have a moment of peace in falling into a joyful memory.

I start to think about how Emily saw the paper and left. My heart tightened at the memory. Being able to feel that pain over again was not something I wanted. 

I remember my breakdown. I relapsed. The memory makes me lift one arm and hold it in my other hand. My face turns red from embarssment , knowing Spencer saw that part of me. 

My apartment is a mess. My books are scattered across the floor and my blade is sitting on the living room table.

Spencer helped me. He cleaned my wounds and bandaged them. Spencer really is the best friend anyone could ever ask for. 

The smell of pancakes brings me out of my thoughts. I turn to realize Spencer isn't sleeping next to me anymore. 

I lift my head for a moment and smile.

Beethovens music fills my apartment. Specifically Moonlight, normally Spencer wouldn't play something so popular, but it's my favorite piece by Beethoven. 

Spencer always plays that when we bake together. We've tried making many different goodies, but most times end up failing somehow. 

Quickly I get out of bed and make my way to my kitchen. Everything is as I expected it to be. Spencer Reid making my favorite food in the world, chocholate chip pancakes. Humming along to the sonata. He's facing away from me but turns around slowly when he  hears me walk towards him. 

"Hey Y/n." Spencer says softly

"Hey" I reply

"Did you know Moonlight is not only Beethovens most popular pieces, but its also one of the most famous pieces of music ever written for the piano?" 

I smile and let out a little giggle.

"Yes Dr. Reid I did in fact know that. You told me the first time we listened to this song."

His smile fades slightly.

"But it's always nice to be reminded Spence. You know I will never stop loving your facts no matter how many times I've heard it before."

He smiles wider than before and walks around my kitchen island to me. Spencer engulfs me into a big bear hug. 

Dr. Reid may be the biggest germaphobe I know, but he is also the best hugger I know. His hugs are like no other persons hugs. His legnthy body makes anyone feel like they're completely protected. Spencer always nuzzles his head into peoples shoulder when he hugs them. He hugs tightly, but not so tightly you feel like you can't breathe. 

Spencer pulls away with his huge smile still plastered on his face. 

"I made pancakes."

"Then what are we waiting for Spencer. Let's eat!"

Spencer and I spent the next 30 minutes joking and eating pancakes. After we ate he cleaned my cuts and we both teared up while he did that. He made me promise him not to do it again, or to at least call him if I felt I wanted to. I tried to warn him that I will feel like that a lot but he seemed to be okay with it.

I take a moment to really look at my apartment since I woke up. He cleaned. Spencer cleaned my fucking apartment. 

I look into his eyes.

"You didn't have to do that."

Spencer shrugs. "It was nothing."

I hug him again, and whisper into his ear. "It wasn't nothing Spence. It's something. It makes life easier for me and I appreciate that you did that. You bette know how much I love you Spencer Reid. You truly are the bestest best friend a girl could ask for."

I can feel Spencers smile grow. "You better know how much I love you too Y/n."

Spencer pulls away and looks into my eyes.

"Now go get ready. We have stuff to do."

I give him a questionable look and he just points to my bedroom door. I laugh and walk into my room to get ready.

Earlier that morning.

Spencers Pov

I woke up to see Y/n still sleeping. I cleaned her apartment and started making pancakes.

I thought it would probably be a good idea to call Hotch and ask for the rest of the week off for Y/n and I. 

I turn on my phone to see many missed calls and text messages. Clicking on the my recent person to call me. Aaron Hotchner. 

A: Reid what the hell have you been doing? 

S: Sorry Hotch I was helping a friend.

A: It doesn't matter. I called because Emilys been in a car accident.

My heart drops. It feels the same as when I found out she 'died'.

A: Reid?

I can't respond.

A: Spencer!

S: Sorry Sir, I um i-is she okay?

A: She's okay just a minor concussion amd some stitches, but we were all worried when we heard she was in an accident. 

S: Oh thats good. She's okay

I feel a huge weight lifted off my chest. 

A: Um speaking of okay. Have you heard from Y/n?

S: Yeah she's actually the friend I was helping and why I called. I was wondering if we could um have the rest of the week off?

A: Both of you?

I nod but then remember he can't see me.

S: Yes

A: Can I ask why?

S:  You know about her past Hotch. 

A: She did it again?

S: Mhm

A: Please take the rest of the week off, and let me know if you need more time.

S: Okay thank you Hotch.

A: Don't forget to call Emily to check in on her.

S: I won't

I go to hang up but I hear Hotch speak again

A: Oh and Spencer.

S: Yeah

A: Take good care of her.

S: Of course 

I hang up and go back to the pancakes. 

It's probably best to not tell Y/n about Emilys accident right now. She'll probably just blame herself. I'll tell her once things calm down. I think.