Fire & Ice - A Draco Malfoy fanfiction

Chapter 9 - Clouds rain too when they're too heavy

"Sure", I said as I passed her, not in the mood for another argument.

"Lea, wait up!" Tracey shouted, running after me. I didn't want to talk to anyone right now. Luckily the common room was just around the corner of the Potions classroom, so I quickly walked up to our dorm and locked myself in the bathroom.

I only allowed myself to let go of the shaky breath I was holding when the lock clicked. I leaned against the door and closed my eyes. Malfoy was just saying that to hurt me because he had lost the competition. It wasn't real. I was no disappointment.

"Eleanor, please open up", Tracey's voice sounded from behind the door. I breathed in and out a couple times and then walked out of the bathroom.

"I'm fine", I mumbled, brushing my hair, staring at my reflection. I even looked like my mother. I was a Selwyn.

"Oh", Tracey said, sitting down on my bed. I knew she wanted to say something, but there was nothing she could say. I always handled these situations the same way. I put out my fire and embraced the dark and cold ashes.

"It's okay to cry, you know, when there's too much going on?" Tracey said silently. I didn't cry. What was the point in crying?

"Clouds rain too when they're too heavy", she mumbled. I rubbed my hands and straightened my robes. Tracey really had a way with words, but I couldn't let them have an effect on me.

"Well I'm no bloody cloud", I said and left the room.

I made my way to the library, a place where no one could talk to me, where they'd just leave me alone.

I found a place in the far back, behind a bookshelf with books on ancient runes. I sat down with my back facing the rest of the library and tried to empty my mind because it was causing too much damage.

I was so angry and that was the problem.

Because that's the thing with anger. It's like acid. It does more harm to the body it's stored in than on the person it's poured on.

Sure, Malfoy's cheek would be red for a couple of hours and I hope it hurt a bit too, but that was it. That's where his suffering ended. Whilst for me, it had triggered so many insecurities and I couldn't let them show. I couldn't let people see that I wasn't what they expected. That I wasn't as tough as my parents. I couldn't let them see so I had to keep the acid in my vessels, letting them slowly eat away at it.

I was so tired.

By the time supper rolled around, I was fine again. I had spent lunchtime in the library to calm down so I wouldn't miss Charms class in the afternoon. I was not going to give Malfoy the satisfaction. I couldn't let him see that his words had hurt me, because then he'd know it was a weak spot and he'd take advantage of it.

Charms class did take my mind off of the situation, so when supper rolled around, I was starving, but also okay. I would be okay. I wasn't worthless. Malfoy was wrong.

I sat down all the way at the back of the Slytherin table, as far away from Malfoy as possible. I felt his eyes burn on me, but I forced myself to not look back. I was never going to speak another word to him. I was better than that.

"Hey El", Tracey said as she sat down. She had stopped asking how I was doing a while ago, because it was of no use anyway.

"Hi", I mumbled, looking at the entrance seeing Daphne walk in. I hadn't seen her at all except for Charms class. If she would take his side again then I'd be done with her. I get that she's basically in love with him, but there are certain lines you don't cross.

Malfoy motioned her over to sit with her, but surprisingly, she ignored him and walked on.

"Can I sit here?" she asked as she reached us, looking at me pleadingly.