Spin

Chapter Twenty Eight

We didn't have to be back in court until Monday. I had an entire weekend to replay every moment in my head and pinpoint the moments when it all went wrong. I had lost all hope in winning this case. 

The next morning I casually suggested that my parents take the baby with them to the grocery store, claiming I wanted to take advantage of the silence to pick a name for their grandchild. And since they were sick of calling her "the baby," they quickly agreed. Within the hour, I was waving goodbye to my daughter as my dad strapped her into her seat. I hurried back inside and closed the door, leaning heavily against it. I was alone. The house was silent. I looked around, tears welling in my eyes. I'm so sorry, Spin. I'm so sorry I let you down.

I climbed the stairs and headed to Spin's room, where I sat at his desk and began to write.

I'm not going to pretend... 

Once it was finished, I pinned the letter to the pillow. I walked
down the hall to my room. I sat on the bed and took a deep breath, reaching into the nightstand for the razor blade. I held it to my wrist and began to cry.

My cell phone rang, the sounds of Cody's ringtone filling the room. I wanted so badly to hear his voice. I answered right before voicemail could pick up.

"Hey, baby," I said shakily.

"Hey. I'll be there in five."

"What?"

"I went to the store and bought all of your favorite snacks and thought we could just hang out and watch movies or something. And I could take care of the baby for a while so you could rest." 

"Cody..." I paused, not knowing what to say. 

"Are you okay?" His voice was tinged with panic.

"I'm fine," I said softly, my voice breaking.

"Lexi, what is it?" The sound of his engine roaring as he accelerated nearly drowned out his voice.

"Nothing. I'm just so damn tired. I can't do it anymore. I love you, Cody."

 I hung up before Cody could say anything, shutting the phone completely off. 

I looked around the room, memories everywhere. He was everywhere. Choking back sobs, I pressed the blade to my wrist and gritted my teeth, slicing into the soft flesh. 

"Lexi!" I heard the front door slam open, Cody's frantic voice echoing through the empty house. His footsteps thundered on the stairs and in moments, he stood before me. "Lexi, what the hell are you doing?"

He grabbed my arm and batted the blade from my hand. He yanked his shirt over his head and wrapped it around my wrist, blood dripping onto the carpet. 

"I can't do it, I can't. We're going to lose. I let everyone down," I sobbed. 

Cody put his hands on my face, his fingers tangling in my hair.

"Don't be stupid, Lexi!" he snapped, angrier than I had ever seen him. "Do you think he would want this?"

"I don't know!" My voice rose, my face a mess oftears. "I don't know what he would want! I'm supposed to be fighting for him, and I can't even do that!"
"Listen to me," Cody said urgently. His hands left my face and unwrapped the shirt from my wrist. It wasn't even bleeding anymore. I probably wouldn't even need stitches. Relief flooded his face.  "I want to win this case just as much as you do. I want Dean to rot in prison. But no matter what happens, you did everything you could. It isn't your fault. He loved you. He doesn't need you to fight for him. He needs you to fight for you."

I burst into tears, my knees buckling. I couldn't believe that I was moments away from ending it all. I had been begging for Spin's help since all of this began, and as I wept in Cody's arms I realized that he had sent it the moment I needed it the most. 

Cody had always been his right hand man. 

Thank you, big brother.