Coming to Terms

Chapter 1 Friendship

I've worked at the BAU for a little over a year now. It has been the best year of my life. My whole team is super nice and I've gotten close with all of them. Most of all Spencer and Emily. Spencer is my best friend, Emily is too but in the back of my mind I think I wish she was more. I can't think like that though, it's wrong. No matter how much the thoughts of Emily want to make their way to the front of my brain I won't let them. When I first walked into the BAU I made eye contact with Emily almost immediately. My first thought was that she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, but I forced that thought to the back of my head just like I did with the thousands of other thoughts I've had about her. Emily has given subtle hints to tell me she's interested but I never let myself return the gestures. And I'm a profiler so I can tell she likes me by how she always makes eye contact with me, always turns her body towards mine when I talk, sits next to me all the time, and how she blushes anytime I compliment her, which isn't often and it's always when someone else said something first.

We just got back from a long case. The unsub was kidnapping and killing little kids that reminded him of himself when he was little. He thought that he was sending them to a better place, but obviously he wasn't. I honestly just wanted to forget all about this case even if it was only for a night. We had all just finished our paperwork for the night and everyone was getting up to leave.

"Anyone up to go to the bar?" I ask and everyone turns around to face me.

Hotch and JJ tell us they have to get home to their kids. Which is understandable considering we've been gone for the past two weeks. Derek and Peneople say yes as always, and to my suprise even Spencer says yes. Normally he likes to just go home and read books, or we have our monthly movie night. I turn towards Emily and she winks before speaking.

"Always"

I try my best not to blush but I can feel the heat form on my face. Instead of repling to her I just turn around and talk to Spencer. Spencer knows everything about me. He knows I was raised catholic and had to go to catholic school my whole life, causing me to be brainwashed into thinking liking girls is a sin and I will end up in hell. I don't even really believe in god anymore yet it still affects me. I really wish I could snap out of this and just be with the girl I deep down know I like. I never came out and said I liked girls or specfically Emily but Spencer is one of the best profilers on the team, so I'm sure he figured it out quickly.

"Spence can you tell me some facts from that big brain of yours" I ask him, at first he gets a look of concern over his face. He knows that his facts calm me down. I can see Spencer start to think of what could've made me anxious, but I didn't have time to wait. To keep myself from spiralling into the thougths that always came back anytime Emily did something I grab Spencers arm and look at him with puppy dog eyes.

"Please Spence"

Spencer looks at me for a moment before nodding his head and speaking.

"Did you guys know that the Greeks translated 'puppets' as 'neuropasta', which literally means string-pulling. And throughtout time they've been used as a method to tell kings a story so the subjects didn't have to speak directly to him."

I let go of his arm but continue to look at him. Silently telling him to keep going, and as we all walk into the elevator he does just that.

"Did you know that we don't start to make our own music choices until we are 14. Our cognitive development evolves at that age and we start to form our own cultural identity."

The elevator doors open and we all walk out.

"I guess we will meet you guys there" Derek says

"Yep" is all I say in return