After I got dressed from my bath, Tony has finished preparing a salad and some hummus wraps for lunch. We sat in silence and he chowed down, and I picked at my salad. Once he was satisfied with the amount that I ate, he cleared our plates.
"I've got some things I need to do this afternoon," Tony started, looking down to where I was sitting at the table. "I've got a meeting with our manager and then an interview in Huntington Beach, so I won't be home till later."
"Sounds good," I said, giving him a soft smile.
He did the same back to me. "Vic should be home any minute," he said picking up his keys. "I've got to get going, just try to rest and relax." He said, leaning in for a side hug.
"Drive safe," I called as he walked his way to the door.
After Tony had left, I made myself comfortable on the couch in the main living room. I flipped through the TV channels, until I came across Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and let it play quietly in the back ground while I thought about my life.
Not even ten minutes later, Vic stumbled through the door with bags of groceries. "Hey darling!" He called out, making his way to the kitchen.
I smiled half heartedly. "Hey."
For a few minutes, he rifled food into the fridge and pantry, before finally plopping down on the couch beside me. "Still into the 80's movies, I see?" he smiled, turning his attention from the TV to me.
I nodded, not really having a response.
He cleared his throat and turned his gaze to his knees. "I know you might not be up for it," he started. "But I really want to talk to you about what's been going on in your life lately, B. I know it's not easy but I can't sit here and let you bottle it up." He looked back at me, a look of concern washing over his face.
I sighed and sank deeper into the couch. "I don't want to play the martyr and cry 'it's not fair,' you know. But it's not. I thought that when I turned 18 and could leave my home situation things would turn around." I took a deep breath before continuing. "I wanted to be able to turn things around for myself, for once. But they just kept getting worse. And, don't get me wrong here, I am so grateful to reconnect with Tony and you and the band and the fact that you opened your home to me- it means so much. But," I breathed even deeper this time. "I'm sick of having to be saved. I don't want to be the burden anymore." Tears threatened by eyes but I held them back.
I heard Vic sigh and then take a breath before speaking. "You know you're not a burden to us, Braxton. All those years ago, you were our family. Some time has stood between us but we have you back. We want to protect you. You mean so much to Tone and us..." he trailed off, struggling to find words. "I know you have some mental struggles, and trust me, I know those are hard mountains to climb," he said, mentioning his past struggles. "but one day you won't be suffering this much."
I looked down at my hands in my lap. "I tried to kill myself, Vic," I breathed.
I refused to look at him but out of the corner of my eyes I could see him rubbing his palms on his legs to try and centre himself.
"You would have hurt a lot of people if you had," he choked out.
All I could do was sigh. "You guys wouldn't have even known. And as much as you say you want me here now, it won't last long. it hasn't in the past."
Vic had no words. He looked up at the window trying to find something to say, with no luck.
I turned my gaze towards him, until his eyes met mine. "I won't be here in a year."
