The Smile Has Left Your Eyes

Chapter Two

There's no point.

You're miserable and could make it all stop, just like that.

Ah. There it was again. That feeling. Like I was going to explode if I didn't somehow release it. I stared absentmindedly at the drawer I kept my razors in, my face blank and void of expression, finally relaxed and matching my eyes for the first time today.

I shouldn't. I knew I shouldn't. I'd already had my share this morning and if I did it again so soon, the cuts would never heal. That would be an issue when playing baseball. A welcome issue...

It was painful and nearly impossible to drag my eyes away from the thing my head was telling me I wanted—needed—so badly.

One foot after the other, I pried myself away, grabbing a towel and exiting the bathroom. I threw on another clean long-sleeve and a pair of shorts. My wet hair, now a dark, chocolate-brown, dripped onto my clothes.

The droplets falling from the tips of my messy bangs and onto the floor fascinated me, occupying my attention and allowing me to unfocus in a dangerous way. There wasn't a lot left for me anymore. I may still have had baseball, but I was slowly losing Rafe more and more every day. Soon, I wouldn't have enough excuses to convince my mind to stay alive.

Fourteen years. That was how long we'd been best friends. At eighteen now, we'd spent the majority of our lives next to each other. Over a hundred and sixty-eight months. I knew it was just a matter of time until the long clock stopped ticking... since the boy he became friends with was long-gone. Now, I was playing a waiting game. One day, I'd wake up and find myself alone. This wasn't an if type of situation. It was a when.

The growling of my stomach disrupted my thoughts, forcing an annoyed grunt out of my mouth. Teresa had even made me food. I could've stuck around after Rafe left—they wouldn't have minded.

I made my way down to the kitchen and silently made a small bowl of cereal. I scrolled through social media as I shoveled spoonfuls into my mouth. The baseball team looked like they were having fun, if Rafe's story was anything to go by. He had an enormous smile plastered on his face as he recorded himself and the guys playing a prank on Devin in the background.

He didn't smile like that with me anymore. But why would he? I didn't do anything to make him smile. Jokes? I scoffed at the thought. My sense of humor disappeared a long time ago.

Not wanting to see any more, I shoved my phone into my shorts' pocket.

The creaking of the front door startled me and in walked Alex.

"Where's mom and dad?" I was hesitant with my words, my heart rate already picking up. It thumped in my chest and pulsed throughout my entire body.

His light-brown hair bounced as he snickered, "They're going on a business trip."

"How long?" I asked in a quiet voice.

"They'll be back Monday." He closed the door behind him.

"Why didn't they tell me?"

"Mom texted me and told me to tell you." The corners of his mouth twisted into a sinister smile.

"Oh," I gulped.

"So..." he drew the word out, slowly making his way toward me while dragging his finger along the table. "Did the fag win his little game today?" He cocked his head to the side with a disturbing glint in his eyes.

"We won," I mumbled.

"You won? Hmm, that doesn't sound like a fair game." Alex clicked his tongue.