Raise the Barre

Chapter 10

For the first time all year, Jimin didn't show up at class the next day.

You'd been dreading seeing him, unable to sleep as the kiss replayed itself in your mind. You'd told Jimin you needed to think and now, one day later, you still had no idea what to say.

You'd fucked up – big time.

Cheater had never been a label you would've applied to yourself; but here you were, scarlet letter on your chest. Yesterday seemed fuzzy whenever you remembered it, as though it had happened to you, as opposed to being something you'd done. Each time you recalled the moment, the kiss, your heart threatened to burst in your chest. You weren't sure if this was because of Jimin or Finn.

Finn still hadn't texted or called you since the fight. Maybe fight wasn't the right word to describe the knock-down, blowout match you'd had in the library. You and Finn had never fought like that before. You'd had disagreements of course but had always managed to work things out. This was the first time you'd left an argument and found yourself at a loss.

Finn wanted a more available girlfriend and you wanted to dance.

Deep down, you knew this was an unsolvable problem, but the idea just seemed so unfathomable. The idea that this would be the thing to break you up. It hadn't been a problem back in high school. Maybe Finn hadn't always come to your dance competitions, but he'd attended recitals and brought you flowers at nearby performances. He'd always seemed to enjoy your dancing, even if he hadn't fully understood it.

It made your heart ache to imagine that deep down, Finn thought your decisions were foolish. When you awoke Thursday morning, you saw Finn hadn't called and nearly dialed his number, but then you looked at the clock and swore. Ballet began in an hour.

This conversation wasn't one to do over the phone. Talking to Finn would have to wait, so you scrambled out of bed and threw on your clothes. Noelle had comforted you the best she could the night prior, but she still didn't know the extent of what'd happened. All you'd said was you had a fight with Finn.

Saying it out loud felt like admitting defeat. Admitting what you'd done meant you'd have to see Noelle's expression when you explained – when you told her you'd kissed Jimin while still dating Finn. You didn't want to see her face when she learned the truth; you were having enough difficulty confronting it yourself.

Pushing this from mind, you focused on today as you entered the classroom. You would be forced to see Jimin this morning. You'd been so worried about talking to Finn, you'd nearly forgotten about the other piece of the equation.

You had kissed Jimin, and then you'd run away.

As you entered, you scanned the room and frowned when you didn't immediately see him. Jimin usually arrived before you and Noelle. Setting your bag down, you began to warm up and continued to glance at the clock. At one minute until the hour, you began to grow nervous. If Jimin didn't arrive in the next thirty seconds, the door to the room would shut and that would be that.

Watching the second hand tick, your stomach twisted as the unthinkable happened. Jimin didn't show up. Ballet on Thursdays was taught by Mr. Vlad, who was notoriously punctual and at exactly 9:00 AM, he shut the door.

You had the sudden urge to check your phone for missed texts, but there was no time. Instead, you were forced to stand at the barre as you began pliés. You knew the second you started today would be a lost cause but could do nothing about it. Your relationship with Finn was in shambles, Jimin was clearly avoiding you but still, you needed to dance.

After class, you called Finn and went again to voicemail. Standing alone in your dorm room, you swallowed and tossed your phone on the bed. Fine – if he wouldn't answer, you'd go and see him.