suffocation | dreamnotfound

may 1st

"dude it's like 16 degrees out here today, i'm going to leave you all for sunbathing!" george laughed, leaning back in his chair and stretching.

"first of all, i know england is not sunny enough for you to sun bathe. second of all, 16 degrees celsius is still cold as balls. isn't that like 50 degrees or something?" sapnap questioned genuinely.

"it's 60 degrees dimwit." george deadpanned, and sapnap erupted in laughter.

"try texas weather! you wouldn't survive a day george. i think you'd literally go up in flames."

"try florida humidity; both of you have nothing on that." dream added to the conversation, though his voice sounded so far away, void of any of that joking tone that sapnap and george were spitting out. he genuinely was enjoying the time with them, but the exhaustion he felt was a murderer.

plus, he was so cold. even in the florida heat, he felt frozen, living in thick sweatshirts and doubling up on blankets in his home. it was rare he ever needed his heating system, but he had been turning on his heat just to warm his frozen toes. dream's favorite article of clothing was a georgenotfound sweatshirt; it kept him cozy, even if it hurt his heart knowing it would only ever be george's sweatshirt wrapped around him rather than his arms.

his mom had sent so much soup, honey, and even more tea, determined that atleast they could help diminish some of the soreness and pain that came with the disease. dream appreciated the soup and honey, but he thought the tea would make a nice gift to george, and shipped it out with a tag that said 'decided to ship this tea to you instead of throwing it in the harbor.' he hoped his friend would laugh at it.

dream tried to follow the conversation for a moment before jumping back in, the conversation now moving to new video ideas. they bounced between a series of proposals for all three of their channels, sticking to the normal "minecraft but..." ideas and trying to come up with more challenges such as the mob hunt, as both george and dream had enjoyed recording that video. so far, their favorite ideas had involved trying out proximity chats.

"we should go on a filming streak guys. like, just record a bunch of videos in the next two weeks, enough for maybe two months or something? then we could just chill and you guys could stream with that extra time. just an idea." dream said, trying to sound nonchalant. in reality, it was all because he didn't want to be filming when he was weeks away from his deathbed. his voice had already gone to hell, but if he tried hard enough, he could laugh weakly and give slight shouts which would work for the videos. he didn't want to give his fans content where he sounded dead; they deserved better than that.

luckily, sapnap, even if he didn't register why, agreed with the idea, saying he was down to do that as long as they could get everything set up and check with bad to see if he could film throughout the week.

they invited bad to the teamspeak, and soon enough he joined, his peppy voice greeting the rest of them.

"dream, your voice sounds so quiet and sickly! are you feeling okay?" bad quickly caught on, concern in his voice.

dream forced a chuckle, and even though they couldn't see him, tried smiling in hopes it would project onto his voice. "still just some allergies and i changed the settings on my mic, maybe that's why i sound different?"

"that would make sense!" bad replied, and dream inwardly sighed. people on twitter had been realizing too much too; dream had tried to be on as few streams as possible, but he couldn't completely cut himself out of content, and the fanbase noticed his lack of tea kettle laughs, shouts, and his considerably less energetic bits. but, what could he do?

sapnap quickly took over the conversation, trying to swerve them away from the topic of sickness and microphones, which dream was thankful for. he explained their ideas to bad, and he said he was wholeheartedly down for it.

the four got to planning, setting up concrete video ideas, a posting schedule, and when they would record throughout the next two weeks. after multiple hours, the team decided to call it quits for the night, with sapnap being the first to leave and dream following right after. dream was already buried under blankets in his bed when sapnap texted him, asking him if he was free to call.

"dream, are you sure you don't want to tell george things now?" sapnap immediately questioned and dream wanted to hit his own head into the wall repeatedly in frustration.

"i'm sure sapnap; i don't want to tell george and just be rejected, which i know will happen. i'm okay with the way things are now, george and i can just be friends. we should just be friends and it's my fault i fucked that up and fell in love. but, it's okay, i'm okay, and i don't want to talk about it."

"let me ask you something; do you believe in soulmates?"

"what? i mean, i do but how is that relevant? it's not like i can just continue living to find my soulmate and besides, i'm pretty sure george is my soulmate, atleast platonically."

"then don't give up hope clay! you still have around two months to make any decisions, so don't restrict yourself to opening up and living while you're still alive. george would want that."

"sapnap, you're my best friend. i'd like to meet you atleast once. crossing off something for the bucket list, i guess."

"what, so i can be your maid while you rest?" sapnap joked, but his excitement was skyrocketing.

he was finally going to meet his best friend and maybe talk some sense into him. that florida man was not ready for his presence.

~~

back on the teamspeak, george sighed. "is something wrong with dream?"

bad frowned, shaking his head. "maybe? he seems okay, but he still has that nasty cough and mutes quite often. i doubt it's anything serious though, don't worry gogy!"

"i guess so but it's more than that, too. he just...spends less time with us, i guess. with me atleast. i don't want us to drift apart. maybe i'm just reading too much into it, but i don't know. just ignore this."

"your worries are totally valid george, don't undermine your own feelings. however, i'm sure he doesn't mean to distance himself. maybe something is just going on in his life that he doesn't want to talk about, or maybe he's just busy. i know he loves you george, you're one of his best friends."

"but then why wouldn't he tell me what's going on if i mean so much to him?"

"i don't know but there must be a reason. you're petrified of losing him, aren't you?"

"petrified?" george practically scoffed, but then he realized it was true.

this was why he didn't want to ever fall in love. even friendships could have too much turmoil, too much questioning, too much doubt. what if he couldn't even make his friends stay? a significant other would leave him just as quickly.

"bad, i am scared. all of you mean the world to me. i'd be lost without you! i met you all during the lowest period of my life and now we've all known each other so long...i'm happy with all of you! and of course i'm afraid of losing it."

"if i could give you a hug right now, i would you muffin. we all appreciate you so much, never forget that."

"yeah, thank you. that really means a lot to me, more than you'd think. i don't mean to need reassurance and i hate asking for it, but i like it sometimes. it calms me." george opens up, trying to keep his façade atleast partially there.

"i'm always here. goodnight for now though. sweet dreams!" and with that, george was sitting alone in the call before shutting down his pc.

he remembered some things all too vividly, and his mom saying that no one could love him the way he was was one of those moments. he hoped she was wrong, but he couldn't help but shake with anxiety over the thought that his friends could leave him any day of the week and he would be alone.

an ocean away, one of the best friends in question was thinking about how one day, his friends would live without him.