MCYT Angst One-Shots

4 - Mixing, huh?

TW: Suicide, Medications, alcohol, overdose, vomiting/blood, self deprecating thoughts
Please skip if any of the TWs apply! Lmk if I need to add more trigger warnings for anything! Skip to the end if needed, read my A/N please !
*Tommys POV and 3rd person POV*

Tommy's POV:

Dear Tubbo,
I love you man, your my best friend, my brother, other half. You get me?
Please, I hope you don't find me, I dont know what I would do with myself if you did, i don't want you to live with that image.
Please talk to the family when its all over, your going to need each together more than ever.
Its not your fault, it never was. There was nothing you could have done to change this outcome, I came to his decision on my own due to my own struggles.
Its not your fault and it never will be, its only my own.
I'm sorry, I'm really fucking sorry tubbs.

Dear Wilbur,
This one might be the hardest to write.
You were like a father to me, one mine could never be. Thank you for that.
You tried to help me, you really did and thank you so much for trying. Its all I could have every asked for.
I'm sorry I let you down, I'm sorry I couldn't do anything, I'm sorry I failed, you, the family and myself.
Please be there for everyone. Please take care of yourself, I love you so much.

Dear Techno,
The blade, my man I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for all of the times I cried into your shoulder, or knocked on your door at three in the morning for some comfort, you probably found that really annoying.
I'm sorry you found me that one night crying in the bathroom after a panic attack, that was the night everyone in the house learned something was truly wrong, you only told Wilbur though, I'm grateful.
You tried to be there for me, and I appreciate it.
Its not your fault, Big monotone man I love you. Please done blame yourself, there was nothing you could have done.

Dear Nikki,
I'm so sorry that I have to put you through this. We are not that close but your always over, hanging out with Wilbur or Tubbo.
I regret not becoming closer to you, you seem super sweet. I hope this doesn't effect you too much, please take care of Wilbur, I feel this many hit him the hardest. Dont let him fall into his old self, please.
I don't really know you but I love you too, you were like the mom I never had, even if we barley spoke I knew I could trust you.

I fold up all the papers, stacking them neatly in a pile on my desk, some of them stained with the tears that fell from my face, I didn't even know they were falling until I gazed upon the dark splotches resting near the bottom of the letters.

Its all so numb now.

Nothing makes sense.

Placing my pen down, I lean back in my chair placing my hands over my eyes, trying to hide from the darkness, but there is no way I can hide.

Yawning.

I'm tired of it all.

These letters, Its all I could muster to say goodbye.

I cant bear looking them in the faces, saying those words to them, watching their heart break.

They might not even care anyways.

I just want to escape.

Escape my own fucking mind.