༄ 𝘞𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘳 𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘍𝘪𝘳𝘦 (𝘗𝘊) ༄

Chapter 17: Words of Wisdom from a Wounded Soul

I leaned against the wall, staying further away from the edge this time. If my head got to be too much, I didn't want to risk the chance of falling off the ledge. I placed my hand over my grazed arm. It had been wrapped but it ached more than I thought it should. I assumed it was because my body was exhausted. I hadn't had a proper rest in ages—literally. I spent most of my time sleeping in a dank, dirty cell or on the cold, hard ground. Neither made it easy to sleep well. But I wouldn't complain as I know the others' situations were the same as mine.

I sighed and stared across the field and into the woods. It was calming, peaceful, and exactly what I needed at that moment. I had some peace and quiet with fresh air. While my head was still pounding, it felt much better after sitting outside for only a few moments.

It was too frustrating for me to stay inside to relax, waiting to see if someone else wanted to lecture me. Susan and Edmund had been oddly quiet, barely saying anything to me and I wondered if they agreed with everything their brother had done. It was obvious Lucy did not and she was the only one who seemed to care about my opinion. Caspian was constantly butting heads with Peter, disapproving of everything along the way. But while he disagreed, he hadn't seemed interested in my advice.

Birds chirped in the distance and the wind blew, ruffling the leaves. I took it all in, enjoying the sounds of nature in a way I hadn't in years. It was hard to appreciate it all when you were trapped in a cell inside castle walls. All the sounds you heard were from people during the day. At night, the city was asleep and crickets chirped, the only natural sounds one could hear. But being outside castle walls made everything sound different. It sounded better, freer.

My peaceful moment was interrupted by approaching footsteps. I knew exactly who they belonged to and held back a sigh. I was frustrated with him and didn't want to be bothered by anyone. I wasn't sure what I could say or even what he would. As they drew closer, the person suddenly stopped. It told me they were not looking for me—had been surprised to find me there actually—and I glanced over my shoulder. Caspian had a strange look on his face that I couldn't read—I didn't know him as well as the others.

He blinked a few times. "Oh. My apologies... I didn't realize you'd be here. I'll just—I... um... I'll leave," he stuttered out, turning to go back inside the How.
"No, it's fine," I said, halting him in his steps. "I'm leaving soon. I'm not actually supposed to be out here and if Lucy finds out, she'll be sure to strap me to a cot until she deems me well enough." I tried to lighten the air between us, sensing some tension. Caspian smiled a little and I considered myself successful.
"I won't tell her," he promised with a grin.

I stood up as he approached the ledge, meaning to leave him alone. But he reached out to stop me before I could. His hand brushed my injury and I tried to hold back the wince. He either made the choice not to say anything or hadn't noticed as his next words were unexpected.
"I messed up, Ana. I'm sorry. I put the Narnians, the Kings, and Queens, and you in danger," he stated with remorse in his eyes. "Half our army is dead because I was blinded by rage. If I had just gone to the gatehouse like I was supposed to, we could've kept the element of surprise. I let my grief and anger at what my uncle had done drive my actions. I should've never tried to kill him. And I can't apologize to the Narnians, but I feel like I owe it to you. You tried to stop me and I didn't listen. I'm sorry. I wish..." he sighed. "I wish I could change how I acted at that moment, but I can't. Narnians are dead because of me."
Hearing him so apologetic and blaming himself made all my frustration with him dissipate. I had to say something. "You cannot shoulder the blame. Yes, it's true that if you stuck to the plan, things wouldn't have happened as they did. But we knew going in it was a risky plan. And when we lost the element of surprise, Peter could've called off the raid. But he pushed for it, only Aslan knows why. He deserves just as much of the blame, if not more," I told him, still upset that Peter had chosen to take the failure out on me. "And while you were blinded by rage, you didn't kill your uncle. I wouldn't have let you. Doing an act like that changes you and I couldn't let that happen. There's something about you... something that tells me you will be a good King. And I promise to do whatever it takes to get you on the throne."
He sent me a sad smile. "I don't believe I'm ready for the responsibility. I can't even keep my own anger in check."
"Well, neither can I at the moment," I told him. "So you're in good company." He frowned, unsure why I said that.