Noticed

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*trigger warning*

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Noticed

I don't think many people noticed you, but I noticed. I saw the way your head hung low as you walked out of class, tightly clutching onto your books. People bumped into you as you tried getting out of the door, but they didn't bother apologizing, they didn't even give you a glance. I always wondered how people could be so self-centred. 

I noticed the bags under you eyes as I looked at you from afar. I also noticed how you had green eyes and long curly brown hair. I noticed that you had swallow tattoos on your chest and you always wore black jeans, brown boots and a sweater. 

No one noticed you. But I did. I always noticed you. 

"Terra." My friends would say.

And "Huh?" was always my reply as I would peel my eyes away from you. 

When the semester ended and a new one started after a month, I looked for your tall frame around campus, but noticed you were never around. No one seemed to have noticed your disappearance, but I did. 

"What happened to Harry Styles?" I asked our professor after a week had gone by. He looked at me in the eyes and let out a sigh. 

"He's not going to be in classes this semester." He said, giving a sympathetic smile. 

"Why?" I asked, pushing him for more answers. Something from that tone in his voice made me worried about you. 

"He's in rehab." My eyes were wide with worry as I continued looking at the old man, wanting to know more about what happened to you. He let out another sigh and rested a hand on my shoulder. "He tried to kill himself."

I noticed how alone you always were, not only in class but in campus. I always saw you sitting under that tree, ear buds shoved into your ears, your eyes closed, letting the music and lyrics take over your thoughts. I noticed the bags under your eyes as I looked at you from afar. 

I noticed something was off, and now I know why. 

It is only when you came back the next semester, when people started noticing you. Whispers flied around, people turning their heads to look at you. 

It disgusted me how everyone in campus found out about your failed attempt, making rumours as to why you did it. It truly disgusted me, my head always shaking at these heartless people. 

My friends were also like the rest of the people in this campus. I always walked away from them whenever they called you 'freak' and 'crazy'. 

I should have done something. I should have said something. But I didn't. 

I thought that you had gotten better, but I still noticed the bags under your eyes as I looked at you from afar. I noticed that something was still not right, but I did nothing. 

One day I couldn't take all their hurtful words anymore and left my friends completely, sitting by myself under a similar tree many feet away. I still noticed you and I noticed you drinking water. Something that I never saw you do before. 

I continued watching, my eyebrows dipping inwards when I noticed something was off. I felt like getting up and walking over to you, but I didn't. 

People were still whispering about you. I heard your name flying around many times as they laughed, taking glances at you. It made me sick, but I didn't do anything. 

I noticed how you kept looking around, your behaviour seeming fidgety. You kept drinking your water and eating that small snack of yours. After a minute you put it away back inside your bag and you took out your phone instead, typing away. 

I noticed the bags under your eyes as I looked at you from afar. I noticed how your brows were furrowed more than usual and I swear I saw you wipe a tear away with the sleeve of your sweater. 

My eyebrows furrowed too as I watched you, worry grew inside of me. I was about to stand up and walk over to you, but you put your phone on your lap and shoved the ear buds into your ears, lying back against the tree. I noticed your foot waving back and forth, something that you never usually did whenever you listened to music. 

I stayed in my spot under the tree and gulped, feeling a heavy weight inside my chest as I watched you from afar. I noticed my heart significantly increased in speed, and took another gulp. 

I watched you from afar and noticed how your foot moving slower, as like you were falling asleep. 

I noticed sirens in the background. It all happened so fast. 

I heard a woman loudly asking where her son, Harry, was. 

I saw people pointing and giggling to you under the tree. 

I noticed your foot has stopped moving. 

I heard the woman screaming your name. 

I saw police men chasing after her as she ran to you. 

I noticed my heart thumping loudly. 

I heard your mum scream. 

And that was when I realized what you were doing moments before. 

I realized that I watched you kill yourself. 

I threw up, regret swallowing up inside of me. 

I should have walked over to you.

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Today, January 28th is a day dedicated to Mental Health to end the stigma on mental illnesses.

Having a mental illness is not our choice. Saying we have a mental illness is not to gain attention. Because we have a mental illness doesn't mean that we are a freak, or we are different. We are still human like you.

Lets all join together and end the stigma of mental illness. Standing up and recognizing that this stigma is wrong is what we need to help other people do the same. We need to end the stigma. And we can only do that together.

"No one should have to suffer in silence due to fear of judgment and rejection." 

"Always be nice to other people because you don't know their story."

~ May <3

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