HxH watches Hunter x Hunter

Episode 7 - Showdown x On The x Airship

Kurapika couldn't understand how Gon had no qualms about this; couldn't understand how Gon, Killua and Alluka still came out as bright and sweet as they are (even if Killua vehemently denies this) despite the neglect and abuse their parents gave them.

Kurapika himself had become withdrawn and cold with the slaughter of his clan. And Leorio-

Leorio's childhood best friend had died. But Leorio didn't swear vengeance on selfish doctors who didn't try to help a dying child. He didn't swear on justice for all helpless kids on the street and become a vigilante, illegally fighting crimes of humanity. Instead, he worked to become a better person to solve that. Even if he was a bit of an idiot. A loveable idiot but-

Was it just Kurapika? No longer was the thought of unrightfully treated children in his mind. It was about Kurapika's own upbringing and current life standing. He was so angry and had abandoned his friends when they were in dire need of help all because of what? Some deadass eyes that belonged to his ancestors? And yes, it hurts to even think of his clan in such a disrespectful way, to dishonour his family and friends by abandoning his mission but... maybe... maybe... it's time to let go? His heart painfully clenches at that.

'Traitor,' his mind whispers and he can see red eyes drilling into his skin. Another voice whispers, 'You left us once and what happened? We died. All of us. Slaughtered. Gone forever. And now you want to leave us again? Let our eyes be used for dirty, vile, selfish purposes? You're just like them. You're just an enabler in the grand schemes of things. You're supporting the Phantom Troupe. You're supporting Silva and Ging. You're letting us decay with no hope. You're abandoning us. You're abandoning the kids. Kids! They're still kids!! And one almost f*cking died and you weren't there! You've already killed for the clan. There's no going back. Your eyes will always burn with the burden of all the deaths weighing on you. You let the clan die. You let Gon die. You-'

He's spiralling again. He knows it. He knows his mind is not making any sense, contradicting itself, rotting itself with self-deteriorating thoughts. This was supposed to be about Gon and Killua and Alluka. Not Kurapika. Kurapika, who is already an adult (he's not) and had an entire clan supporting and caring for him (were they really?) and he is still so bitter despite how fortunate he really is. Gon and Killua and Alluka probably would never know what a true parent's embrace feels like. They would probably never experience the love that should come from people connected to them by blood. They would never have a childhood with parents who supposed to keep giving to their children even after birth.

Because parents weren't supposed to abandon their children. Parents weren't supposed to give up their child for their own ambitions. Parents weren't supposed to be so distant with their own children.

So why were Gon and Killua and Alluka okay with it?

"Oi, Kurapika, you good?" Leorio's face is leaning a little close to Kurapika and the blond snaps out of his reverie. He notices that everyone had somehow settled themselves in the time he was having his internal monologue, and although the tension was still evident, it seemed to be put aside for now. Silva sits with his arms crossed on the armchair he was in before while another armchair has materialised on the other side of him, where Ging sits, half slouched, half sprawled, with a bored expression and zero care of the situation.

Kurapika schools his face into a blank expression. "Yes. Let's continue with the show. Ging-san, we just finished watching the Second Phase of Gon's first Hunter Exam. Currently, we are at the scene where Gon, Killua, Leorio and I were on the airship taking us to the place of the Third Phase. Leorio, I believe it's your turn on the remote?"

Leorio frowns but takes the remote. "Kurapika, I know you're troubled by Ging too-"

"It's not that," Kurapika cuts off, wanting to just move on already. "Just play the episode."