The Boy I Married [hold]

19| At My Expense

Keeping that secret from and taunting me with it once I announced the baby without even taking in account that our sex life could very well be the cause. It was like a trap he planted and he couldn't wait to catch me in it. He lied. Made me feel as if I were less than a woman because I couldn't provide my husband with a child or the family I thought was mutually agreed upon and for what? Laughs? Humiliation at my expense? No matter how much I tried to shake it, the fact that he had done something so severe as a means to a bet didn't sit well with me and I didn't know if it ever would.

"So," Justin choked out. Maybe silence would've done us both well, but we'd been doing too much of that lately. "What's going to happen if Jacob is the baby's father? With my career on the rise, the surgery coming up, and your business deal with Balzac's, word of mouth is all it'll take for the scandal to hit the tabloids. I know this is something you might not want to discuss, but there has to be a plan. The paparazzi are smart enough to link my vasectomy and your working with Jacob into a story to explain your pregnancy. They'll know you cheated. The backlash could be irreversible. We might even need to hire you an image consultant."

Was he expecting an entire itinerary? In what world did it look like I could come up with a plan when I could barely compose a solid thought minute to minute? Not only that, but somehow through his entire explanation, it felt as if I was the one baring the blame. Admittedly, yes, I'd been dumb enough to cheat on my husband, but couldn't he have even the slither of faith in the fact that this baby could be his child, or the fact the he'd done something equally deceptive? Or maybe he didn't care. But still, all I hoped to know was that Justin was the father. At least if he was, we could fight on the rest of the obstacles side by side.

"As much as I hate saying this," he chimes in again. "Balzac's might actually be the way to go. The image consultant could highlight the fact that you're helping a struggling local business back to its feet. It might actually be a good way to divert attention," Justin adds.

"We'll plan accordingly, I suppose," is all I could manage. Of course a scandal would arise. It has before. And I knew Justin would immediately want a divorce if it were Jacob's. I could only imagine how his reputation would tarnish if the world found out I'd slept with my business partner. Anyone in their right mind would book the first flight as far from me and my destructive tendencies as soon as possible.

"I need more than that. You need to have a say in this because the focus we'll probably be on you with the public. I mean I'd have to tell Scooter and my mother before the paps get ahold of the story. God only knows who else just to minimize the damage."

Damage. Ouch.

"Then we'd do whatever you think is right, Justin. You're not obligated nor will I force you to raise a child that doesn't belong to you. Seeing as you apparently didn't want a family with me to begin with. I wouldn't want me or this baby causing any more damage for you so I'd have my things mailed from L.A. and the baby and I would move in with my parents. Assuming we'd be divorced," I shrug as the car comes to a red light. "We could tell the public we grew apart. I bet they'd love the headlines that me and all the baggage was too much for you anyways."

Pissed? Try Livid. Perhaps the lack of sleep had finally been getting to my head. All I wanted was support but maybe it was too much to ask for. I couldn't even imagine what might've been churning in his head. As much as I didn't want to hear about it, it was relevant. We did need a plan. I just hoped we'd be planning which color to paint the nursery and not how we'd handle our image and a marriage with a child that may've belonged to someone else.

"And it would just be that easy for you? To up and leave as if you and I hadn't already begun building a life together?"

"I never said it would be easy. Losing you wouldn't at all be easy." I say, fighting the pain creeping up my throat. "But I can't sit here and pretend that divorce hadn't crossed my mind. I completely understand if that's what you want to do. I broke your trust and my vows to you. You have every right to want to leave me."