𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐮𝐦 † 𝐟.𝐠

ten

Frank was rarely the first one to come out of his room in the morning hours, most of the time he laid awake as he watched the sunrise, waiting patiently to hear Gerard shuffling around before coming out for the day with his eyes glued to the ceiling. Even though he often had trouble getting to sleep, especially now without his antipsychotics, he still couldn't move once the sun was up. He supposed that it was due to the house still being a bit unfamiliar, it didn't feel right to wander a house that felt like a stranger's. He was sure that if Gerard could hear his thoughts he'd be disappointed, not in him, never in him, but in fact Frank didn't feel at home here. In reality he didn't think he'd ever feel at home in a place as large as Gerard's, the walls were tall and the counters were marble, all of the unnecessary space was too foreign to him. However he did enjoy finding new parts of the house he'd never spotted before like the large room-like closets and such. His face lit up at every little surprise, not being able to leave when you please made everyday things seem incredible.

The light from the windows softly crept in from behind the curtains, making the kitchen look and feel less cold. He was hungry, though he knew Gerard would eventually wake up and ask him what he wanted him to make for the two of them so he decided food could wait. He collected a few stray mugs and plates left out on the counters from the guest, Gerard's brother apparently, the night before. He placed everything in the sink just to declutter. He could almost hear his mother making some backhanded compliment about how he was disgustingly messy on the regular yet cleaning up under these odd circumstances, usually he'd grumble out something angsty but now even the thought of her belittling him made his eyes burn with bitter tears.

Times like this were when he craved to be angry at Gerard, to hate and despise him as he should but it was impossible. Just the thought of his apologetic face, looking all desperate for his forgiveness after making him cry softened his heart to mush. The butterflies that he got in his stomach when thinking of how Gerard had so caringly embraced him last night made him nauseous. Maybe he was touch starved or just plain crazy but he'd rather end it all right then and there in the kitchen than dissect whatever traitorous emotions made him blush when thinking of the man who snatched his life away.

He tried to think of the most disturbing things he could like cannibalism and perpetual suffering to distract himself into getting his head back straight, though he didn't need to for long before a paper caught his eye on the other end of the counter.

At first glance he noticed a boy surrounded by an abundance of text but after a brief moment of impeccable investigation he came to the conclusion that that boy was in fact him from just a few months ago. His hair was a bit shorter, picture day from school last year, he'd been 16 then.

The photo was displayed in the hall leading to his room back home, one of the most recently added to his Mother's large collections of pictures hung up. He grimaced at such a personal part of his life being displayed in the newspaper for anyone to see. Maybe because the photo had already existed in his own house for a year, growing familiar to it in such a private setting only for it to be plastered on the front page but it made Frank want to destroy every copy of it that'd been printed nonetheless. It hadn't quite set in yet, the bold text declaring him a missing youth and the eerie description of him that was exact.

When it finally did his legs became weak, he grasped onto the edges of the marble to stabilize himself as he took in a shaky breath. He was missing. His mother had no idea what happened to him, from her perspective he'd disappeared on the way to school and never came back home. He couldn't imagine the pain and worry she must be going through as he stood, untouched and relatively fine in some asshole's expensive kitchen. He felt the thick tears escape his eyes and didn't even bother to wipe them, his heart ached far too much for him to move even an inch. He was immobilized as he sobbed trying to be quiet but the little painful chokes clawed their way from his burning throat. He couldn't have stopped this, it was all Gerard's fault and he knew deep down that his mother could never blame him for something like this but the guilt was still heavy and stinging in his chest. He wanted her to be able to hold him again, or better yet, hold her. They were so close that it was bordering unhealthy and he could feel her pain, the same pain, how indescribably anguishing it would be, if she'd suddenly disappeared to leave him wondering what could've possibly happened.