LOVE SCARS || Daryl Dixon

XXXV

ISABELLÁ

AFTER WE CAME BACK FROM THE RUN Daryl decided it was best he told Beth about Zach. I'm not sure why, but here we are.

When I came back, I went straight to Carl and Mika hoping that they would cheer me up. I mean it did. Those kids could always cheer me up. But it wasn't enough I guess.
I was sick of losing people. I got myself to a point where I was hopeful for everyone's future here but after Zach's death, I knew that was the start of many.

I hated how much I cared. It bothered me. I promised myself that I wouldn't get close to these people but look where that got me.
I hated that I felt like I had to protect these people. I hated that I held Daryl back, risked his life. I hated that no matter what we do someone dies.

I walked back through the cafeteria heading to the cell block. I ran my hands through the front of my hair tugging it a little. Really wanted to pull a Britney and go bald.

It was pretty late, majority of the group were in their cells or sleeping.
As I walked back through the cell block, I noticed Beth wrap her arms around Daryl's waist, nuzzling her face into his chest.

Breathe Iz. Her boyfriend had just died, it's all okay. I wasn't jealous.
Daryl put his arms around Beth hugging her back.
I wasn't jealous.
He rested his head on top of hers, closing his eyes, smiling while he brushed his cheek against the top of her head.
Fuck it. I was jealous.

I cleared my throat causing Daryl to look up at me, he quickly stepped back away from Beth.
I ignored what had just happened and walked up the stairs to my cell.

I dove onto my cell bed head first, my head landing on my pillow. I left my face in the pillow before letting out a scream pushing my face deeper into it. I can't say this was the best was to handle my problems. But it definitely helped. If I could let out all of my emotions without killing anyone, that was definitely a positive to me.

I regained my composure, sitting up on the edge of my bed. I leaned down grabbing my rucksack pulling my bottle of bottle of Bacardi out of it.
I opened the bottle before flicking the cap to the other side of the room.

"That bad huh?" Merle said appearing in my door way.

I looked at him giving him a weak smile shrugging. I had too many emotions.
Before the turn, I wouldn't have given a shit, I was selfish and alone. Don't get me wrong, I would definitely be bothered that someone had died. But the way I felt wasn't normal.
I'm not used to people caring about me and I'm not used to caring about others.

"C'mon" Merle said nodding his head gesturing for me to follow him.

I stood from my bed, clutching my bottle of Bacardi, I dragged my feet along the floor following Merle. He lead me along the walkway, to his cell.
"Figured you needed a drinking buddy" he announced as he picked up his bottle of bourbon off his bed side table.