Rude Awakenings: A Novel of the Terribly Acronymed Detective Club (Book 2)

Chapter Thirty-Eight: Lauren, Summer, 2010

When Rachel emerged from the bathroom in the lavender bridesmaid dress Lauren had worn at her wedding, Lauren burst out laughing.

"Tell me what you really think, sweetie," Rachel said sourly when she calmed down.

"Uh, if you go downstairs in that dress you're going to make a lot of jaws fall to the floor and scandalize my in-laws."

"I guess this is the Halloween costume all over again?"

"With the difference that you're an adult female with adult female parts that are bursting out of that dress. Don't get me wrong, if you want to walk down Hastings Street you'd get picked up in a second."

Rachel gasped. "Bitch! Are you saying I look like a prostitute?"

Lauren stepped over to her and slid a hand up her bare thigh. "I'd pay a million bucks for a lay with you right now."

Rachel looked to the closed bedroom door, which could become an open bedroom door just as easily. She leaned in and kissed her hard on the mouth. "This isn't the downstairs bathroom," she said. "Too risky."

"Damn," Lauren sighed. "You look so slutty right now I just want to..." She grabbed Rachel's ass.

"Down, girl!" Rachel breathed. "We really can't."

"I know," she said despondently.

Rachel looked forlornly at the dress. Lauren was many sizes smaller than her, and she didn't know how Rachel was breathing in that thing. The fabric had some give, but it was straining in her chest and hips, and the hem was above her knees. Her breasts were spilling over the top of the bodice. "I guess there's no way we can salvage this," she said.

"Not without some lightning fast emergency tailoring."

Rachel sighed. "I wanted to do this for you, to be the maid of honour you should have had at your wedding. You said this was almost the same colour, right? That was why I brought you up here, it was going to be my big surprise for your anniversary."

"Oh," Lauren said, and she started to cry. "You're so sweet! I fucking love you so much!"

Now Rachel was crying. "I fucking love you too!"

They hugged each other tight. "It's okay," Lauren blubbered. "You gave it a good try, and you showed me, and that's enough. It was the best gift you could have given me."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Okay, good, because I really can't breathe in this thing."

"You know," Lauren said, chuckling, "when you asked me to come up here with you, I honestly thought you wanted to lock the bedroom door and get it on. I thought that was going to be your gift."

"Of course you did, slut. You can't keep your hands off me."

"I can't."

"Did you say there was a lock on your bedroom door?"

"Yes. It comes in handy as a mortification barrier in case the kids need us while Joe and I are fucking. We have just enough time to dress and open the door before they freak out."

Rachel looked her in the eye. "You know I'm not wearing anything under this."

"I can tell, your nipples are poking me in the chest, horny girl."

They both looked to the door, and Lauren was just about to go lock it when there was a knock on it. They flew apart at the sound.

"Babe?" Joe asked. "You decent in there?"