Winning Hurricane

XLIII - Triazolam

"Let's pray for his fast recovery." was my reply. I can't say Kenzo will surely wake up soon kasi base sa co-doctor ko there's 50-50 chance he'll wake up. As doctors, we can't say or promise something sa family ng patient nang bagay na hindi namin hawak at sigurado.

She heaved a sigh, "Yes." Then she frowned, "Anyway, are you okay? You look.. different."

I was about to answer when the door opened, sabay kaming napatingin sa pumasok. It was Hurricane, umiwas na ako ng tingin bago pa mag-tama ang mga mata namin. Well, we're already awkward but he made it more awkward yesterday.

"Hey, Hurri! Wait, I'm almost done packing." Martine told her, saka lamang ako napatingin sa mga papers na nilalagay niya sa kanyang attached case. Ah yeah, pinadala niya yon mula nang magising siya.

"So.. I just passed by to say goodbye." I told Martine, inserting both of my hands in my coat's pocket. I can feel Hurricane's eyes on me.

"Oh, sure sure!"

Tumalikod na ako at lumakad palabas ng hindi siya tinitignan but my freaking ballpen dropped in the most inconvenient time! Payuko pa lamang ako nang mauna na si Hurricane pulutin yon. "Here."

He's too near..

His hands touched my fingertips, I breathed. "You're hot." He whispered, voice etched with concern at the same time nagging.. like he has the right.

Agad kong inabot ang ballpen, "Thanks." I replied glancing at him. His brows were furrowed as he looks at me. Like, asking me what the hell I am doing with my life. Napailing na lamang ako bago tuluyang lumabas ng kwarto.

Damn it.

Hindi na dapat ako mapalapit sa kanya.

Hindi na. Matagal na akong ayos.

Damn, seven years.. I didn't spend seven years of my life trying to move on from him, only to still get affected dahil lamang sobrang lapit niya. He still affects me.. hindi na malaki, hindi na sobra.. pero meron pa din.

Ah, shit.

I think I'm now hallucinating, lalagnatin na ata talaga ako.

When I came home natuloy na ang lagnat ko, sinubukan kong itulog pero kinabukasan mas tumaas lamang ang temperature ko. Today, I have proved na wala na talagang epekto sakin ang gamot. Parang immune na immune na ang katawan ko.

Hindi naman ako mapakali na walang gagawin kundi tumunganga buong mag-hapon. Sanay na ako na buong araw ko nakalaan sa hospital, na uuwi lamang ako para matulog.

My body was burning, my head was so heavy. Parang umiikot ang buong paligid, ah shit. Hindi na'ko makabangon para ipagluto ang sarili ko. Minsan lamang naman ako lagnatin pero matindi. And days like this make me so vulnerable.

This is one of the few moments I really felt so alone.. in normal days, okay lamang pero kapag ganito iba sa pakiramdam.. it's like my body was yearning for some comfort.. something I know na wala sakin.

Ah, damn it!

My phone rang, maybe it was Cy. I asked him na dalhin sakin ang papers ko after ng shift niya at iwan na lamang sa sala since may duplicate key siya ng condo unit ko. I tried reaching for my phone pero wala sa kama ko.. mariin kong napikit ang mata ko nang ma-realize na sa living room nang gagaling ang tunog.

Shit, I need to have my phone.

I felt my shoulders shaking as I cried just because I can't get hold of my freaking phone.. damn this.