Blackbird

Chapter 13

Andromeda moved sluggishly down the stairs. It was as if her legs moved of their own accord, dragging her forward.

She felt like a worm had nestled in her heart and was slowly eating its way out. Her skin was on fire, yearning for him. She'd never thought lips could hurt, but hers seemed too, and all she could think about was Ted. They'd kissed each other three times now, and each one swam around her brain like a swarm of bees, or maybe butterflies. Especially the last one. If she concentrated really hard she could still taste it, the sweetness of it. Nothing had ever made her feel like that. Like she meant something, everything. She hadn't known what to think then, she hadn't been able to think until she'd gotten back to her dorm room. It was in those moments when she couldn't sleep, that she realized why she was both exuberant and terrified. She was in love with Ted Tonks. She loved that obnoxious, clumsy, bright-smiling, muggleborn.

And that's when the tears really began falling.

And now she was here. She yearned to be with him again, but the rest of her was screaming. She couldn't be with Ted Tonks. Just being seen talking with him had almost thrown her sister into hysterics. She was already under the careful scrutiny of her parents and her older sister. Right now she could only pray they never heard about her conversation with him, or they dismissed it. But if they knew she was seeing one, kissing one... She was worse than ruined. And Ted... she couldn't even entertain thoughts of what would happen to him. She knew better than to hope for mercy. So why was she still entertaining fantasies of the two of them?

And there was Rabastan. Every time she thought of him she felt a stab of guilt, and a rush as she remembered his kiss.

She hadn't known him much growing up. She didn't associate with the other pureblood children before Hogwarts, with the exception of Sirius and her sisters, but she'd seen him. Over the years of Hogwarts, she'd watched him grow from a cheeky kid with fat cheeks to the smooth, practically god-like boy that now strutted down the halls. He'd been nice enough to her, but there'd always been something about him that unsettled her. Or maybe some corner of her brain had always wanted him, but she would never admit that. And then when he'd become her fiancé it was like facing some terrible nightmare and realizing you couldn't wake up. But the two times he'd sought her out, he'd seemed different. Not abounding in confidence, though he pretended he still was. There was a vulnerability that hadn't been there before, and it had opened something inside her.

And the way he'd kissed her, she couldn't deny she'd felt something, but it was different than what she felt for Ted. Whereas Rabastan made her feel dizzy, Ted made her feel alive. Maybe that was the key, one made her feel weak, the other made her strong. And she'd been weak enough in her life.

She gritted her teeth. She didn't want to think about this, not right now, she needed time to...

"Andromeda."

She stopped, just before she'd reached the door to the common room. Her natural extinct was to stop when someone said her name, but never like this. There was only one person who could freeze her in place like that, knowing Andromeda would never dare ignore her.

Bellatrix.

Her sister was dressed in her usual black today, and her usual boyfriend. Bellatrix Black and Evan Rosier had been going out since the end of last year, a record for her sister who usually preferred not to engage in long-lasting relationships. She didn't have patience for the clingy, slobbering boys who trailed after her like puppies and would lose interest in them after a few weeks. But she and Evan were hardly ever seen apart. Today her arm was around his neck and her leg sprawled across his hips as they huddled together on one of the larger couches of the common room. Evan's hand was on the bare skin of her leg, her long black dress pulled up just above her mid-thigh.