Spy School: Danger is my Middle Name

Walkie-Talkie Communication

The following is an excerpt from a walkie-talkie communication chain including Agents Benjamin Ripley, Cly, Jayden, Mike, Jawa, and Chip. Please do not distribute or share the information, for it is top secret.

Benjamin: *crackles* Hello? Is this thing on?

Jawa: Who is this? With the static I'm hearing from this end, it sounds like a senile senior citizen is speaking to me.

Benjamin: Did you just call me a grandpa?

Mike: Yes, he did. Roast him, Ben!

Benjamin: No, I'm not going to do that. We're supposed to be focusing on our jobs right now.

Chip: If you're supposed to, then why are you talking on this walkie-talkie?

Mike: Because this job is more brain-numbing than your IQ, which, in retrospect, is probably at least five times worst than Ben's. So you shouldn't be talking.

Jawa: Hey, at least he's smarter than you!

Mike: *smirks* How are you going to prove that?

Benjamin: I'll test them. How about I ask them some simple logic questions and see who's the best at answering?

Chip: Bet!

Mike: Just be aware of the fact that Ben's right next to me and we both know how to communicate with sign language- if I get each question right, then blame it on him. After all, he's my best friend, isn't he? *punches Ben until he oblidges*

Ben: *groan in pain* Yes, yes! Mike is my friend- ow - STOP! Let's just get to the first question! 

Mike: I'm all ears.

Ben: Okay, let's see here... true or false? The wave-particle duality is a primitive idea. Make sure to show your work to back up your answer.

Chip: What did you just call me?

Mike: Say what?

Ben: Waiting for an answer....

Mike: I have no idea.

Chip: Same here. Ben, if you're going to quiz us, at least put something that's on our level.

Ben: Okay, how about this? Why do molecular orbitals need to be orthogonal in Hartree-Fock? 

Chip: ._.

Mike: Ben... do you really expect us to know this stuff?

Ben: Yes. Okay, if you don't know that, then tell me... How do you overlap a Magneto-optical trap with a nanofiber trap while the extra magnetic field is eliminated?

Chip: tf

Mike: No

Ben: What do you want me to ask you then?! Elementary school stuff? James Bond trivia?

Chip: Well, I was hoping for something like that.

Mike: Yes

Ben: *sighs* Okay, you dumb kids. There are three houses. One is red, one is blue, and one is white. If the red house is to the left of the house in the middle, and the blue house is to the right of the house in the middle, where is the white house?

Chip: In the middle! 

Mike: In the mid- argh! He got to it before me!

Ben: You both are incorrect. My question was: Where is the white house? The answer is Washington, D.C.

Chip: I SWEAR TO GOD-

Mike: ...

Ben: Alright, you numbskulls. How about this one: The day before yesterday, Chris was 7 years old. Next year, he'll turn 10. How's this possible?

Chip: Yeah, how is that possible? Growing three years in one year?

Mike: I have no idea.

Ben: The boy's birthday is on December 31. The current date is January 1st. Do the math, if you plug those two dates in, it'll work.

Cly: Me and Jayden have been listening on mute for the whole time, and so far we've answered all the problems. We've also laughed our butts off while those two utterly failed-

Jayden: -and Cly won't stop nagging me to buy him some cotton candy-

Cly: -and we're here to tell you that these two kids are dumb.

Chip: Dumb? Did you just call me dumb? Let's see what you think about me when I introduce my fist to your face.

Jayden: I won't let you, since my knee will be in your crotch before you can get within arm's reach of Cly over here.

Ben: Alright, this is getting out of hand. I'm going to sign off for now, and let you guys run wild.

Jayden: Same here.

Cly: WAIT GUYS- CAN YOU BUY ME SOME COTTON CANDDYYYYYYYYY?????