Charred Feathers - A Davekat Fanfic

1

Your name is DAVE STRIDER, and, well. It feels like it's been mere months since you were born. Honestly? You wish that was the case. Being 15 isn't all that's made out to be. Freshmen? More like little shits slowly and agonizingly growing out of their emo middle school phase. Oh, right. You take interest in IRONIC SITUATIONS, or just IRONY IN GENERAL. An also lesser known part of you enjoys BANDS THAT NOBODY HAS EVER HEARD OF. Hey, you hear of mother mother's new album? No? Well, go listen to that shit right now. You also like to collect DEAD THINGS. Why, you may ask? It's cool. That's why. That's what all the cool dudes such as you are into these days.

Oh, yeah. You guess you're cursed too. It's no big deal or anything if you take a sip of this weird elixir thing given to you by a witch doctor. Her name was Jade, which was pretty odd considering you have a friend named Jade, but it could just be a coincidence.

Right?

Anyways, though, that's enough about yourself. Hell, why are you even talking to yourself anyway? You have company to expect, dipshit. What? Have you told them you're cursed?

...

Yeah, sure. Like you're going to walk up to your best bro in the world; Karkat vantas, and go, 'oh yeah by the way i turn into a crow monster at night so.' He'd probably flip his shit and run. Honestly, you wouldn't blame him for doing so. Trolls are pretty weird in and of themselves.

Drawing in a breath, you examine and take note of your familiar surroundings; katanas practically gorilla glued to every hard surface in sight, scattered posters from various shitty movies and bands you have hanging for ironic purposes, a mattress held up by old cinderblocks. Yep, home sweet home.

Speaking of gorilla glue, you start to ponder about whatever happened to those ingenious commercials you'd see ever so often. A man in a gorilla suit scaring the hell out of a family? Check mate, bitch. You're the gorilla.

Well, not really. But you honestly wish you were to get back on your so called 'ironic enemies.'

Maybe the gorilla man was Dirk? ..Nah. He's your bro, he'd never be up for that. Besides, he moved out a long ass time ago to be all lovey dovey and shit with his boyfriend, Jake. He wouldn't have time for shenanigans in a gorilla suit.

Wait, this is getting off topic. Back up, Strider-

Okay, so. You have a friend coming over. Okay, cool. That's normal. Maybe you could play off the liquid you need as cough medicine or some shit, yknow, in case he asks. Trolls are pretty nosy, after all.

....Although, your mind swiftly drifts back to gorilla Dirk. Goddamn, if that isn't the most ironic thing you've thought of today. Maybe you'll get Jade to draw him a gorilla fursona or something and give it to him for his birthday for irony.

Okay, nope. Off topic! Right. Friend. Uhh

Shit.

It comes to your attention that said friend has been waiting at the front door all this time, thanks to a few angry text messages pinging from your phone. You're not even fucking ready. What kind of slumber party host are you?

A cool, ironic, badass one.

Anyways, you should probably let him in before he starts throwing rocks and throwing a bitchy fit. Then again, when doesn't he throw a fit? Shaking your head, you make your way towards the door and down the dim hall, squinting at Cal. God, you hated that thing. All it did was stare at you with it's hollow, lifeless pale blue eyes. It honestly unsettled you beyond verbal explanation, although you would never admit it for the sake of your coolkid status.

Brushing past the oddly attired puppet, you made your way to the front of the apartment, opening the door to see a familiar troll looking up at you. Before you could even begin to process his entrance, he was already screaming his tiny little nubs off.

"IT'S ABOUT GODDAMN TIME!! JEGUS. HOW SLOW ARE YOU?"

You simply roll your eyes at him, too lazy to deal with his crabby outbursts at the moment. Maybe he'd calm down sometime later? He can be pretty chill at times. "Sorry, dude. I just kinda zoned out, you know?"

"God, you sound like a hippie." He growled, shoving past you. Rude. You took note as to how he'd dropped his normally shouty quirk, but didn't question it too much.

"Come on. I'm not a hippie, and you know it Karks."

"Whatever. Let's just get to your room so I can dump my shit on your floor and relax."

"I'll steal your oh-so-precious sketchbook if you even try doing that." You respond sarcastically, following the troll to your room. Once you reached the mundane space, you helped him with his bag, placing it down on your bed for now.

"YOU DON'T REALLY SEEM TO HAVE ANYTHING INTERESTING. BUT, THAT'S NORMAL." There's his quirk. "ALSO, DON'T YOU DARE LAY A FUCKING FINGER ON IT."

"Relax, dude. I was just fucking with you."

He grunts at you, and you can see him rolling his eyes from behind his messy bangs. "I'M AWARE, DAVE. JUST SHUT UP FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, PLEASE."

"Fine, fine." You take a seat on the floor, Karkat soon to follow as he sits next to you. You take note of his facial features; his faint freckles that dotted his cheeks, his messy black hair that stuck out in directions you probably never knew existed, tiny nubby horns that reminisced candy corn-

"THE FUCK ARE YOU STARING AT ME FOR?"

"Gorilla suit-! Wait- what." Oh, for fucks sake. Curse you Dirk gorilla shenanigans.

"I.. WHAT THE FUCK?" His usual grumpy expression was replaced with pure confusion, and you hesitated. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Other words of curse.

Okay, you can fix this. Just be cool.

"Nothing, dude. Just irony."

"DAVE, YOU SAID 'GORILLA SUIT.' WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN LOOKING UP?"

"First off, my search history is none of your business." You awkwardly adjust your shades, simply receiving a concerned look from the troll. "Second; its like I said. Just irony."

"....WHATEVER. YOUR THINKPAN IS FUCKED, STRIDER."

"My brain is fine, thank you very much. Anyways, though, you hungry? I could grab us something. Just don't open the fridge."

"SURE, I GUESS. ...WAIT, WHAT? WHY SHOULDN'T I OPEN THE-"

"Trust me, don't. Unless you *want* a face full of sword."

Karkat just gave you another concerned glance, and you sighed in relief once he decided not to question it further. "...FINE. ...HEY, WHAT'S THIS?"

Oh, fuck.