Blessed With A Curse

Chapter 39

Warning

Waiting in the hospital was only wasting my time, time I didn't have. The pressure was claustrophobic, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat and with Blair being gone, waiting for me to find her, I knew I had little time. The pain would just have to be pushed to the back of my mind, the Dark Lord wouldn't take any excuses. Without doubting it anymore, I forced myself up and went straight to the vanishing cabinet. I knew we were almost there, my hands got sweaty, my breathing uneven as I edged closer to my target. Closing my eyes I took a deep breathe, it was time. Shakily grabbing the apple from my blazer, I placed it inside, closing the door. Half of me hoping it worked, the other dreading what I was about to do. The unmoving guilt never moving or shifting slightly. What I was going to do was unforgivable, it was risking innocent lives but what choice did I have? I couldn't let him hurt my family, I was past the point of caring if he'd kill me, but my mother, I couldn't be held responsible for her death. Her and Blair the only people I loved, I couldn't endanger them any longer. When this is done, I'll leave, I won't come back and I will try to make sure that the least amount of people possible will get hurt. If I'd been given the task prior to meeting Blair, before I had changed, back to when I was a bad person, things would be entirely different. I probably would have enjoyed the chaos but she changed everything. My views, my morals and I never thought that would be possible. Opening up the cabinet, fear flooded my body. A bite taken out. It had worked. I stepped back completely shook, my stomach in a tight knot. No going back now. This part of my task was over, now I had to kill Dumbledore. I gulped down the fear and escaped the toxic air. I need to breathe, I was having a panic attack. My feet leading me to the only safe place I knew, the astronomy tower.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't kill Dumbledore and I'd fail my family. My mind was racing, along with my heart. Either way it's going to get me killed and I'd rather go my own way. I was sick of crying, sick of feeling alone. Lost. I fiercely wiped away the tears that continuously ran down my cheeks. Would they say it was an accident? He just tripped and fell. No one would believe that Draco Malfoy would kill himself. That was for the better, I'd rather my mother think that. My mother. It would break her heart. I shoved the idea out of my head knowing I was only preventing myself from doing the thing I had longed. It was so quiet up here, my hands gripped on the railings and I looked down into the blackness, it was a long fall. I closed my eyes. Breathe in. Breathe out. Everything would go away, the sadness, the pain. How badly I wanted it all to go away.

"Draco." I thought I heard a familiar voice call my name. I remembered back to when I took her up here, how we spoke for hours about the things we loved, the things we aspired to be. I'd miss those green eyes, that dorky laugh. If there was a heaven, if I deserved to be there, I'd hope to see her there. Then finally I'd be able to love her the way I always should have. I could have her that way-
"Draco stop." Every thought I had vanished. Her cold hand gripped onto my arm. "Come back over Draco." I hadn't realised I was on the other side, moments away from my death. But she was here. In those seconds of weakness I'd allowed my mind to be vulnerable. I thought she'd given up on trying to read my thoughts. I didn't want to look into those eyes, I couldn't let her convince me. But I wouldn't allow her to see this.
"Blair." Her name pained me to say. "Please go." I hardly managed the words to come out.
"Draco please." She cried, I could imagine her face drowned in tears. Why did she still care about me? A monster. "Not like this please." Fuck. "Please!" She begged. "Draco let me help you, please." I couldn't help myself from looking at her. My eyes sunk into hers, those teary eyes that felt so much. I wouldn't be able to do this to her. I'd hurt her enough. "Just come back over, let me help you."
"I told you to keep out of my head Blair." She complicated everything. If she'd had gone when I told her to, the night in the hospital, everything would have been different. I'd have been able to end all of this.
"You can't leave me." She sobbed, her grip tightening on me. "Don't leave me." She pleaded. I was caving in, fuck I was caving in. I looked back down at the floor far below, where my body should have laid by now. "You're all I ever wanted, you're all I have." Precious Blair, I wished we could be somewhere far away. "We can be! Just come back over." She read my thoughts. "Come back over and we will leave. I'll go anywhere you want Draco, please." Breathe in. Breathe out. I turned my body back, stepping over the barrier.

I hadn't realised how much I was shaking. As soon as I was over she latched her body onto mine, I could feel her hammering heart, her tears soaking through my shirt. Then in a black blur she evaporated us somewhere else, someplace safe. "Don't do that to me Draco." She cried, still holding onto me safely. I let the sobs I'd been holding in out. "Don't ever do that to me again." She repeated.
"I'm sorry." Was all I could say. I never wanted to let go of her, her here in real life, able to touch, to hug, to cry into, to kiss. My lips met hers, our salty tears making it sloppy. I'd gotten to kiss her again. I couldn't help but notice that she'd picked somewhere on the ground, a pang of guilt hit me, I'd managed to hurt her again.
"Why didn't you wait." I thought back to our last conversation.
"I saw your thoughts and I came here as quick as I could. You need to stop blocking me out, I could have missed it." Her life revolves around me, I couldn't change that it's too late now. "I'm not leaving now Draco, not without you-"
"Blair-"
"No Draco! Listen to me, just listen to me this one fucking time okay? We've proven how we can't be apart, how you need me as much as I need you. I won't leave you again." Could I leave with her? A lifetime on the run, is that what she wants? "If it means being with you."
"Stop reading my thoughts." I snapped. "I need to think." I couldn't put her in that danger but she's given me no other option, she won't leave me. I could oblivate her, no- even over my own selfish needs I couldn't do that to her. But they were due to come tonight, I was to kill Dumbledore tonight and she was here. We can't run, not yet it's too dangerous.
"I need you to hide for me. Go to my room and wait there." I instructed and she took in every detail nodding her head. "There is some letters I want you to read, read them and wait for me. They're in a draw beside my bed." The tears never stopped falling from her face, the reality now kicking in, the reality she chose to be a part of. "Once I've..." I paused struggling to get the words out. "Killed Dumbledore." I gulped. "We will leave, get somewhere far away from here, I promise."
"You don't have to do it Draco let Snape-" she tried.
"I have to do it Blair, he will kill my family if I don't, I can't put them in danger, do you understand that?." I explained and she looked defeated, her face so pale.
"Okay." She whispered, looking down. I wrapped her in my arms, my shaking arms and pressed my lips harshly to her forehead.
"Just stay hidden and wait for me."