𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑵𝑯𝑬𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻// adam stanheight//saw (finished!!)

𝖝𝖝

adam's pov

after everything, i'd realized i fucked up everything. and i mean everything. i wasn't even gay.

i don't know why i thought it was a good idea to kiss the guy.

he's got a whole girlfriend, and a kid. and i really thought that was a good idea.

i had to tell casey everything.

but i was very nervous.

-

casey and i had drove home because i told her i didn't feel welcome at lawrence's anymore.

she was very confused but she could tell i was very upset.

"can you just tell me what happened?" casey begged as she sat on the couch next to me.

"i don't know." i said, as i ran my fingers through my own hair frustratingly. 

casey sighed.

"please." she said again.

"i didn't mean to."

"what?"

"i didn't mean to do what i did."

"okay..what did you do?" casey asked.

"i-- ugh.." i couldn't say it.

"what? tell me." casey said again.

"i just-- did something that was wrong to do.." i told her.

"oh. okay.." casey said quietly.

"and i don't think he wants to talk to me ever again."

"that's not true, it probably wasn't even that bad, right?" casey informed.

"i don't know. it's not incredibly bad, but he reacted terribly."

"did you like make fun of him-- i don't understand what you did wrong?"

"i kissed him." i mumbled.

"you what?!" 

"i kissed him." i repeated louder.

i wasn't looking at casey, but i could always tell what faces she was making.

and i could feel her eyes staring at me.

they were wide.

"oh--" casey said quietly to herself.

then both casey and i sat there quietly.

i didn't know what else i could say.

and i wanted her to speak first.

but she didn't.

and neither did i.

i was so happy when later she did finally speak up,

"why did you do it?" she'd asked.

"because i thought it was the right thing to do."

"but if he has a girlfriend, and i'm pretty sure he's straight--"

"i know! i know, it's just, it felt necessary in the moment." i'd said, feeling embarrassed and ashamed of myself.

"i get it." casey whispered.

"i don't know what to do." i said, laying my head down into my knees.

"hey, it's okay, i'm sure you guys will be fine." casey said.

"what if we're not?" i asked, cautiously.

"you will be." casey told me, then she stood up.

she looked at me and grabbed my hands to pull me up.

"we should go back." casey suggested.

"i can't." i told her.

"come on, adam."

"no, i can't."

"adam, when i told you about the x's marked on both of your hearts, what did you think i meant?"

"you told me it was the key of love or something." i repeated what'd she told me it was.

"exactly, BUT you BOTH had the x's on your hearts, which means the feeling is mutual."

"what feeling?"

"love."

"i already told you. i don't love him. and he doesn't love me." i'd rolled my eyes because she was making up things.

"i wouldn't say it if it weren't true."

"i'm not gay!" i explained.

"i never said you were, but you still love lawrence." casey said.

"not in a gay way?"

"no-- not in a gay way, buttt.." casey stated.

"but what?"

"welllll, i mean you did kiss him..." casey said letting the words extend.

"on accident." i implied.

"you can't accidentally kiss someone, adam." casey told me.

"whatever, so what're we doing?" i asked her.

"we're going back to make things right." casey informed.

"what--" 

"k, lets go." she smiled, grabbing my hand and dragging me out the door with her.

yet i wasn't ready to go back.