Ranting!

18/11/20

Hey! Okay first. Apologies if there's anything triggering here. I didn't mean to violate anyone.

Today my alarm rang but I didn't wake up. Just tapped snooze then went back to 'sleep'. It kept ringing so I eventually got out of bed. Normal morning routine.

What the heck was our first class?

Science!

Science wasn't bad. The teacher was checking notes. I went first and I missed like one or two things. I finished them in class. Then I started studying. Yes. Me. Studying.

I sit at the pretty plain side of the class. Only one fun friend. Pacific. So yeah. The other side of the class is pretty full but that's okay. Less trouble for me.

Swimming!

It's supposed to be swimming but due to covid, we don't do it and it's just a free period. So we sat at that cafeteria free period place....yeah I still haven't learnt what it's called.

But later the physics/biology/I've forgotten what he teaches teacher told the year 8s to go to class. I'm in year 8. We were told to go to class Again I tell you! Again!
Urgh. I can't even remember which class we went into.

Math! Double! Again!

In math we got revision questions. Pacific sat behind me. I think Lisa was in front of me. Lilith sat at the back next to Pacific. And Jaelynn sat on the desk next to me. It was pretty fun! We got to talk alot! Actually we mostly talk alot in math. Idky. But it normally has some math parts.

Break!

I spent break with Wyatt, Jaelynn and Luke. It was really fun! At some point, Jaelynn and I were going through Wyatt's bag. He has some very interesting things. We found the latest phone(calculator)! The Casio s.v.p.a.m. Like WHOA! It was so good it wasn't turning on! Wyatt said you have to give it a little nudge for it to work. Lol.

Then break ended and Wyatt walked away really fast. Jaelynn and I are not the most normal humans. I was waiting for Luke. Then I heard Jaelynn say something that made me make Luke go faster.

"Wyatt's waiting for us!"

That was very surprising. He normally takes any chance he gets to run away. As if he ever gets the chance.

I carried Luke's backpack for few steps like the nice person I am. Hehe.

Free period!

We had a free period right after break. Yes I know. That's pretty cool XDXDXD. We spent it in the cafeteria free period place.

I was sitting on a table with Lilith, Kai, Clara, Pacific, Jaelynn, Zack and Jake. The normal people.

Lilith had noticed that I was in a pretty bad mood today. I don't know how. But I'm glad she did. That means that I need to increase my happiness on my happy face. So thanks Lilith!

I apparently wasn't being "normal Lilac". Cause I'm not always unhappy. I'm actually normally pretty jolly.

Somehow the conversation escalated and we were talking about the attacks. Lilith said I should tell someone. But....I don't really have anyone to tell. Then she started asking me if I have any trusted relative adults and while answering I realized I don't really trust anyone in my family that deeply.

My mum may think I'm over reacting. Same with my dad. But then again...maybe I am. I really don't know.

My aunts and uncles aren't close enough to me for that.

My cousins. Pffffft. Hehehehehe.

My sister. She's always saying that its ridiculous how people get anxiety and insecurities once they hit highschool so how do I tell her that?

My brother. Well. I can tell him but he won't understand. He's only a year and 10months old.  I hope he never has to understand how I feel. He should be a happy dude.

Somehow my thoughts got pretty deep and I just had to leave. Too much was going on around me. I went to the bathroom and started feeling the same panic course through my veins and the drop of oxygen. I heard footsteps and heard two familiar voices.

Jaelynn and Pacific had followed me. I eventually went out with them. Still frazzled but not as bad.

When I sat down I tried my best not to be noticeable. It worked. For a bit. Then Lilith noticed.

The whole day everyone kept asking what was wrong with me and I got pretty irritated. If I said I was fine it meant I didn't want to talk about it.

Then Lilith told me not to bottle my feelings up but I've done it for over 2 years and I'm still here so why stop? Don't fix it if it ain't broke. Am I broken?

Then everyone will be all "awww Lilac what's wrong?" "Oh no. Don't say that. She may get sad". People should just remain the same. Don't change cause you think you know me.

English!

We have English everyday. Today we just had to copy some notes cause the teacher was still marking our test from yesterday.

I still felt pretty horrible so I was quiet in class. Kai tried to make conversation but I tried not to reply too quickly so he could move on to someone else. It worked.

I just. Didn't want to talk to him. He would probably notice. And that was exactly what I didn't want.

We got released from English 20minutes early.

Geography!

The Geo teacher was invigilating exams so we were free. The class kept making noise though. So Jaelynn had no choice but to call a teacher. We ended up doing a business quiz. Matching and stuff.

I didn't fail the test. That's all you have to know.

History!

History was pretty chilled. Revision and we have a test tomorrow. Yay?

Schools over!

Same as usual. Now I'm going to draw so I can update my graphics book sometime soon. And I need to study for my test.

Again. If you know me in real life, don't treat me differently. If you ask me about It, I'll tell you what I want to. Just don't pester me.

Thank you for listening/reading irdk.

Duces✌
-Lila