Winning Hurricane

XXXIX- Paresthesia

"So I dated another guy, just trying to make him jealous baka sakali umepekto.." she shrugged, "But he didn't. He was actually happy. Like, really happy. So I tried moving on with someone else. I really tried, and noong akala ko ayos na ako, wala na he met you again.. and day by day I watched him falling deeply, madly in love with you. Hindi ko matanggap, mahirap tanggapin.. na hindi pa din pala nawawala yong pag-mamahal ko. Pero wala e, it's really my first time seeing him so relaxed and happy, he was so motivated. He shone, Chandy. Trust me, he really love you. He made it clear when I got depressed dahil nawala si Mom, he made it clear when we kissed.. it was all clear.. it became too clear na hindi na talaga ako..I know Hurri too much.."

"Is that all?"

I have more important things to do than listen to her love story where I am painted as a villain.

"No.. he's.. he's too wasted. He can't focus, bumabagsak siya bawat recit and that's not just so him. Please, Chandy.. talk to him." her voice was begging.

"He's not my responsibility."

"Mahal ka niya, okay?! He can't focus, ang nasa isip lamang niya mapatawad mo siya, balikan mo siya. This is the first time I saw him loving someone else more than how he loved me! So please.."

I don't know if she even know how to say the right words.. gosh, they're both so insensitive.

"Then fix him. It's your time to shine." I nonchalantly said, one brow arched and was ready to stand up.

Wala akong pakielam kung galit siya sa mga sinabe ko, dahil simula ng hindi niya nirespeto ang relasyon namin.. ang limitasyon niya.. nawalan na siya ng karapatan mag-demand sakin. She's hurt. She's in pain pero may isip pa din siya.. sana inisip niya na may ako. Sana inisip nila yon.

This is just too much. Nakakapagod na. Napaka cliche na nila. Pagod na ako.

"Gosh! You're such a selfish bitch!" she blurted out. Napatingin sa amin ang ilan dahil sa sinabi niya.

Tumayo na ako pero hindi ako aalis at tatanggapin lamang lahat ng sinabi niya.

"You do not have the right to call me selfish bitch when you're the one who desperately crawled to my boyfriend, acting so weak to get his fucking attention."

I held my chin up. Parang nabuhusan siya ng tubig sa hitsura niya.

This is not right.. they're making me feel so evil when I am just trying my whole best to fix myself alone!

"That is not true.."

I shrugged.

"Don't be such a hypocrite, Barb. This is what you want right? Grab your chance."

Hindi ako lumingon nang tawagin niya ulit ang pangalan ko. Ayoko na, ayoko na magkaroon ng pakielam. Ayoko nang makapag-salita na naman ng mga bagay na ikakakonsensya ko lang sa huli.

Pagod na ako sa kanilang dalawa.

Hindi ako band aid. Tao ako, at may halaga ako.

That night, my parents paid me a surprise visit. I didn't even know why they are here, they're never been here. It was actually the first time they check on me and when I say 'first time' I really meant ever since I was a kid.

I stayed silent, nakikiramdam sa kanilang dalawa. Mom smiled at me before going to the kitchen to cook, she looked somehow.. tense?

And what the hell?! Mag-luluto siya?

"Nak.."

My eyes shifted to my father. "Po?"

"Kumusta?"