Family Tithes

Our Brother's Keeper

He folds his arms as he stands across from me.

"Wassup?" He asks.

I try to read his face but he might as well be a statue. He's closed off in a way I've never seen him before. His once easy-going eyes are now cold. His posture has gone from relaxed to tense. And the smile that was always planted on his face has now stretched into a thin line. I feel like I'm standing in front of a stranger but I try to talk to him anyway.

"I was just seeing if you was okay. We didn't really get a chance to talk inside," I say.

Munch shrugs, "I'm cool."

"You sure? 'Cause it's okay not to be okay. Tory meant a lot to us and—"

"I don't need you to tell me how to feel," Munch says.

I furrow my eyebrows.

"I'm not. I'm just trying to make sure you're okay," I say.

"Well I just said I'm good. So we done here?" He asks.

At this point I'm ready to leave him alone since it's obvious that he's trying to push me away. But I know I won't forgive myself if I leave without letting him know that I'm still here for him if he needs me.

"Look, Munch. I just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you. You and T was close. Nobody can ever compare to that, but I'm still your friend. You still got me. If you need anything...to talk...to vent..or just to get your mind off things, let me know. You lost one mud brother, but you still got two left," I say.

I don't know what I expected from him but laughing was definitely not it.

I cross my arms.

"What's so fuckin' funny?" I ask.

"My fault. I just find it funny how you talkin' 'bout mud brother this and mud brother that but when you was in a sticky situation, who did you call? Not me. Tory died and your first thought was to call Caesar," Munch says.

I open my mouth to defend myself, but shut it right after. What the fuck am I gon' say? That I was in shock? That I didn't know what I was doing? I don't even believe that.

I called Caesar 'cause he's always been my safety net. No matter where we stand, I know I can always count on him to catch me when I'm falling.

I can't explain that to Munch 'cause he'll never understand. And I've already lied to him once about his brother's death. I'm not doing it again, especially not for my benefit. I don't deserve to be absolved of any guilt. So I won't stand here and defend my actions, but I don't feel like now is the time to discuss them either.

I swallow.

"Why you bringing this up now?" I ask.

Munch shrugs.

"Just tryna see where you stand. That's all."

"Where I stand with what?" I ask.

"Us. Me, Tory and Daz," He says.

"You know me. You should know where I stand," I say.

"Shit, I thought I did. You would think after spending all that time with somebody that I would, but you...you continue to surprise me, bruh," Munch says.

"How? I've kept it real with you since the day we met," I say.

So much for not defending myself.

Munch chuckles.

"Right," He says, "When we started trappin', you told me you had washed yo hands with that nigga Caesar. That was one of the only reasons I agreed to help you. Now y'all locking lips just days after T died? Look how fast you switched up. My nigga ain't even in the ground yet but I bet he rolling in his grave," Munch says.

Tears prick my eyes. I'll be damned if I let them fall in front of Munch though.

"So you're mad because I'm with Caesar. Is that what you saying?" I ask.

"I'm saying until you see that nigga for who he is, ion got no talk for you, Candyce. It's all love, but I can't keep giving you passes 'cause you a girl or you Ace's sister. Regardless, you should know better than to be playing both sides. Tory called Caesar his opp, so that's how I'ma always see him. 'Til you see that nigga in the same light, I think it's best if you keep yo' distance from me and mine. I would hate for one of us to end up like Tory for fuckin' with you and yours," Munch says.

Damn. Was that a brick being thrown at my chest or did his words really just hit that hard?

Tears land on my cheeks despite my protests. I quickly wipe them away.

This switching up shit is exactly why I don't do friends. I should've known better. Except, I did know better. Munch asked me to be their mud brother, not the other way around.

"Wow. Okay. So I guess that mud brother shit was just some words to you huh?" I ask.

"I don't know. You tell me," Munch says.

Then he turns and walks back to his car.

I bite down on my cheek to keep from crying again as I watch him walk away. After he drives off, I head over to my own car.

For a brief second, I sit there remembering what it was like having Tory, Munch and Daz in the car for the first time. I never thought I'd lose Tory so soon, but I never imagined I'd lose Munch too.

Once I'm done feeling sorry for myself, I stick my keys in the ignition. I don't even look back as I pull away from the church.

On my way home, I realize home is the last place I wanna' be. I call Caesar on my way there and ask if I can stay at his house instead. He sounded concerned but he said yeah anyway.

At home, it takes me a second to get up the stairs without any help, but when I do, I'm on a roll. I limp around my room pulling clothes from my dresser and stuffing them into an overnight bag. Soon, the overnight bag is looking more like a runaway bag. That's exactly how it feels too.

This week has been hell and today just made it worse. I wish I could drop off the face of the Earth for awhile but staying with Caesar will just have to do.

Who knows? Being in his company might just be the remedy I need right now.