New Shores ➳ The Last Kingdom | Finan the Agile (The Northman's Daughter 1)

WINTRINESS

Trigger warning: The following chapter covers the topic of miscarriage. If you are struggling with the experiences of miscarriage or the loss of a child, the following chapter could be a trigger for you, and you would want to skip this chapter. ❤

Raindrops were streaming down Shaylee's face. She was wet through and through, and even if she had been standing under a waterfall, she probably wouldn't have gotten any wetter. But Shaylee hardly noticed the rain. She stood in the cemetery and stared down at the small grave at her feet.

Anyone who saw her would have thought she was deeply sad. In fact, she was nothing but furious. Angry at God and the world, but mostly at herself. How could she have allowed her child to be ripped from the earth so young? What kind of mother was she that she couldn't even manage to keep her child inside herself long enough so it would have a chance to live? Questions like this burned on her soul and hardly allowed Shaylee to find any sleep at night. The fact that she was utterly exhausted did not necessarily make her mental state any better.

Finan tried his best to support her. To tear her out of her dreariness, but he was only partially successful. As a result, Shaylee only felt worse. She would have loved to leave Winchester, but on the one hand, the king had forbidden her to leave the city unless she visited the grave of her son. And on the other hand, leaving the city would have felt like losing her son all over again. A sob escaped her, and she felt the sadness rising inside her again. She felt the tears coming and the sobs getting stronger. She had never cried so often in her life. She had never been a whiny person; she was not usually like that. But what was normal since Liam had been torn from her?

She sank to her knees at the tiny grave, not caring for the damp mud that dirtied her dress. The pain that flowed from her was as palpable as the frigid fall wind. Her tears mingled with the rain, and her gasping wails echoed around the gravestones.

Shaylee tiredly stroked the wet strands from her face and looked up to the watery skies and heaven beyond. She had to believe her baby was safe up there, comfortable and warm. To look down would be to imagine his cold body in a box, bereft of her cuddles and goodnight kisses.

Next to the grave of her little boy was the grave of his great-aunt Thyra. Shaylee had never met her aunt, but she was comforted by the fact that her two graves were next to each other. And she hoped that it did console her little boy as well.

"I am sorry! Please forgive me," she murmured softly and buried her hand in the wet earth.

"Don't do that! Don't blame yourself," a voice sounded behind her, and Shaylee looked up in surprise.

Behind her stood her uncle. He was completely soaked as well, and Shaylee had something of a guilty conscience. Hopefully, he wouldn't catch a cold because he was standing out here with her in the cold February rain.

Shaylee wouldn't let Uhtred out of her sight as he stood next to her and his eyes twitched between his sister's and his grandnephew's grave: "I wish you had met Thyra. I'm sure you would have gotten along very well. She was also a strong woman. No matter what fate threw at her, she always made the best of it. Every challenge made her stronger."

He broke off and crouched down in front of the grave, pulling out some weeds. Then he looked up and asked, "Do you know the story of how she killed Sven the One-Eyed?"

Silently, Shaylee shook her head, and Uhtred told her the story of how Thyra had set her dogs on her jailer, "She would have set the dogs on your father and me too if it weren't for Beocca. He put himself in her way and probably saved our lives in the process."

Shaylee was waiting for Uhtred to explain why he told her this story and already believed there was no reason for it. But then Uhtred continued, "At the time, I thought we had lost her forever. That we had lost her to grief, to despair. But she was stronger than her grief. She left what she had experienced behind. Though she thought then, without a doubt, that life was no longer worth living."