New Shores ➳ The Last Kingdom | Finan the Agile (The Northman's Daughter 1)

WHY?

Her uncle had told her to go to sleep, but no way Shaylee would have been able to sleep. Instead, she made her way to the next alehouse. There she had a jug of ale brought to her and sat down at an empty table. The alehouse was not that well visited. No wonder it was already past midnight. But Shaylee did not care. As a matter of fact, she was glad that there were not a lot of people. She did not feel like company. She just wanted to get drunk, so all the feelings within her would not be as overwhelming as they were right now. After the first jug, she still felt this nagging feeling of fear, so she ordered another pitcher. She probably even would have ordered another pitcher if the owner of the tavern wouldn't have asked her to leave because they closed.

Outside it was raining cats and dogs, but Shaylee hardly noticed her dress getting soaked with rainwater. Swaying, she made her way back to her uncle's big house. There was no light, so either her uncle had already gone to bed or was still at Æthelflæds. Shaylee struggled to get up the stairs, and in front of the door to her chamber, she stumbled over something on the floor. Giggling, she tried to push the door open but had quite some difficulties doing so. When she finally stood in her chamber, she stumbled towards her bed. But she stopped when she heard someone entering the room behind her.

"Are you drunk?" asked Finan, astonished and rather accusing.

Shaylee staggered a little as she turned around to him: "Yeah. So what! Why do you care? You shouldn't care."

"You can't be serious," replied Finan and came a few steps towards her.

Shaylee raised her hand to stop him from coming closer, but she lost her balance and stumbled against him instead. She propped herself against his chest and grinned up at him: "Oops.

Finan looked at her uncomprehendingly and pushed her a little away from him. But he held her down so she wouldn't stumble again, "What's going on with you?"

"What's the matter with me? My bloody husband followed me across the sea, and it seems that I will never get rid of him. I would say, given these facts, it is only fair that I get drunk." Shaylee replied. Dissociated himself from him and went to the window. It had stopped raining, but thick clouds were still hanging in front of the moon. She heard Finan take a few steps towards her and closed her eyes. Almost pleadingly, she said: "Please don't."

"Why?" Finan asked quietly behind her. She could hear a hesitation in his voice, but also that he was hurt. This vulnerability brought tears to Shaylee's eyes. The last thing she had wanted was to hurt him. Shaylee closed her eyes to hold back the tears and bit her lips to suppress a sob. God, how she hated that she turned into a howling misery without any pride when she was drunk.

She didn't answer Finan's question, and he didn't say anything for a while, either. After a while, he said into the silence: "So, you have a husband?"

This was a statement and not a question. So Shaylee did not respond. Anyway, there was not really something she could say."

"Why did you never say anything?" Finan asked.

Shaylee shrugged. She still couldn't bring herself to turn and look at him. She had the feeling that as soon as she looked at him, the last remnant of her self-control would crumble.

"What should I have said?" she asked back and then turned to him after all. "That I was running away from a husband? How could I tell you that?"

Finan looked at her with his head tilted, and Shaylee stroked her hair, depressed out of her face, "You must think I am a real whore, now that you know."

Finan looked at her in astonishment, "Why would I do that?"

Shaylee raised her eyebrows and dryly said, "I'm a married woman, and yet I let you kiss me. There are plenty of people who would judge me for that."