Tomboy

Chapter 12

I couldn't seem to get away from the whole dating thing, even though I had wanted nothing to do with it. It was like a virus that had infected everyone, and now they were spreading it to me. It had started with Jake. Everything could be traced back to Jake in my mind. He was responsible for all these confusing feelings I now had.

My life had been simple and uncomplicated until he stimulated my hormones into going crazy for him. He was the one who set off this entire chain of events that had messed up my life. It was because of him that I had agreed to go to the party with Dylan where Jason had seen me and decided that he wanted to be more than friends. Now I was in the awkward situation of having to decide what to do about Jason.

My first impulse would be to tell him that I wanted to remain just friends, but I had promised to think about it. Dating Jason would be easy. We liked so many of the same things that we would always agree on what to do on our dates. The only difference in our relationship would be the kissing. I had to admit that I liked kissing, so it would be nice to have someone to kiss on a regular basis.

I had told Jake that I didn't want to date anyone, so he would be hurt if I started dating Jason after refusing him. So far, I had liked kissing Jake more than I liked kissing anyone else. If I was going to date anyone for the kissing, he would be the natural choice.

Yet I felt afraid of getting involved with him that way. Even Dylan seemed like a safer choice for dating. He had made it clear that he was still interested and told me to call him anytime if I wanted to go out again. I wasn't even sure if Jake still wanted me to be his girlfriend, or if he had gotten over me like he said he would.

It was obvious to me now that he had liked me since we were kids. What freaked me out was the possibility that I had liked him all along too. How else could I explain to myself why I had grown my hair long for him? I had told him that having sex with him would make me stop thinking of him as more than a friend, but now I wasn't so sure. If my feelings for him predated the incident in my room, then they weren't going to go away by trying to exorcise the physical attraction between us. His absence should have made it easier to put him out of my mind, but I was feeling it more keenly with every passing week. I wondered if he missed me the way I missed him. He had said that being around me was killing him, so maybe he was glad to be away from me.

Kyle told me that dating Jason would only lead to disaster. "Your heart's not in it, Cam. If he starts falling for you, you'll only break his heart. Then your friendship will be ruined."

Was that why I hadn't been scared when Jason asked me out, because I knew I was safe from heartbreak with him? What did that say about my reaction to Jake? I remembered my panic when he asked me if I returned his feelings. I was starting to come to a conclusion I didn't like.

I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind as I prepared to hang out with my friends. Jason had texted me that we were on for skateboarding with all the guys. We were taking advantage of the weather before it got too cold. I had made my decision about Jason, but I was going to tell him when we were alone. Kyle and I were driving separately to the skate park so that I could talk to Jason afterward. I was nervous about it, but I was more nervous about how the guys would treat Kyle.

It was a little awkward at first when we all greeted each other, but having an activity to distract us really helped. We were soon having fun skateboarding and attempting to perfect our moves. Kyle flawlessly pulled off a trick that had always thwarted him before, and we all cheered for him.

It was when he and Adam got into an argument about zombies, however, that I felt like things were back to normal. The rest of the guys joined in with their own opinions on this pointless disagreement. As I listened to them, I felt my heart swell with happiness. We were going to be okay.