A Winner in Disguise

Chapter 12 - Only If

         She stared at Daniel, dropping her jaw. Quickly, she closed it, embarrassed.

         "Love? No, no, I haven't experience loved recently…at least, not true, deep love. Daniel cocked a brow at Jaclyn, obviously thinking about Kaden.

         "Well, it is most likely love, or jealousy." Jaclyn scoffed and looked out the window. She couldn't possibly love Daniel. She definitely had feelings for Kaden. Her hand suddenly felt a vibration, and she realized her phone had been sitting on her lap. There was a text from Alexa.

          "Daniel is the best boyfriend ever!" Jaclyn rolled her eyes. The two had just met. But then again, she hadn't known Kaden that long either.

         "I bet he is." She hoped the comment wouldn't spark a worry in Alexa that Jaclyn held feelings, but she sent it anyway.

 That night.

         Jaclyn sat on her bed in confusion and sadness, twirling her hair between her fingers. She had just felt on top of the world with Kaden, but now felt as if some other force was changing her feelings. She let out a long sigh as someone knocked on the door. Jaclyn knew it was her mother, but didn't feel very up to talking. Instead, she flopped down on her stomach, staring out her bedroom window.

         The door shut with a click and Jaclyn turned to see her mother smiling at her.

         "You know, you've really grown lately. Not physically I mean, but emotionally. You've handled feelings and problems, developed a relationship..." Jaclyn rolled her eyes and scoffed. If her mother planned on getting some deep conversation, it was not going to happen.

         "What if those feelings have changed?" Jaclyn muttered, mostly to herself. The bed sank as her mother sat near her.

         "I remember my first boyfriend. It was in my sophomore year of high school. Never could forget him. He had wavy brown hair, sparkly blue eyes, he was tall, handsome, every girls dream. I was shocked I could call him mine." Jaclyn glanced behind her to see her mother staring out the window at the stars, as if searching for past memories.

          "We went everywhere together, always hand in hand. My dream was to marry him, straight out of high school. Maybe travel the world together. But love never ends up how you dream it would. It's like an outside force always ruins it. Love cannot last forever. That's how it was with your father." Her voice cracked a bit and the room seemed to become darker.

          "My high school boyfriend left me. One day he came in and screamed at me, and I mean screamed. My body shook when he did. We had a devastating fight, all over the fact that we disagreed in politics. I still cry about it. If I had just not mentioned my political views, maybe we could be together. Only if I hadn't, only if, only if, there are so many mistakes in life. But maybe it was a good sign, telling me I deserved someone that loved me no matter our differences. I always assumed that was what it meant. But losing your father, now there was no good reason for that. He loved me more than he loved himself." Jaclyn noticed her mother had shiny tears on her cheeks.

         Her mother left her room silently crying, no doubt going to go stare at Jaclyn's fathers’ picture. Jaclyn sighed and felt a tear escape her own eye, staring up at the stars. She now understood the meaning of what her mother had said. All bad things will happen for a reason. If her mother was still with the old boyfriend, who knows how he would have treated her?

         What if Jaclyn was repeating her mothers’ past...with Kaden?

Two Weeks Later...

         Jaclyn smiled out her window, staring at the beautiful garden filled with snow. She remembered the night with Kaden just a few weeks ago. He had kissed her, but hadn't since. These days she missed Kaden, and Daniel too. It was the first day of winter break, and Alexa would be at the house any minute. With a last glance in the mirror, Jaclyn descended downstairs. Her mother was busy in the kitchen making some wacky dish for lunch. Just then the doorbell rang. Jaclyn ran over to the door, threw it open, and grinned at Alexa. She looked pretty as always, and it had been a while since they had talked

         "Alexa! I've missed you!" The two hugged and ran upstairs to Jaclyn's bedroom.

         "I've missed you too! I'm so glad its winter break however, because we can finally have sleepovers, and talk, and do fun things." Jaclyn laughed and they plopped down on her bed, staring out the window.

         "Isn't it beautiful? I always loved snow!"

         "We get so much in Wisconsin, usually three feet at this time of the year. It also gets really freezing, sometimes our heat shuts down. That is really bad." Jaclyn said with a worried expression. The fireplace downstairs was running, snow was falling, and it just felt like a perfect winter

         "You know what's odd? I can't remember the last time Kaden texted or called me." Jaclyn rolled her eyes in annoyance. Daniel had called her twice, however.

         "Weird. Daniel calls me every day to check in, and always sends a goodnight text." Alexa looked dreamily outside.

         "Yeah, well Daniel is just so amazing." Jaclyn blurted out without thinking. Alexa looked over and raised her eyebrows.

        "Sorry, I didn't mean, I just...Oh never mind." Alexa laughed and the two headed downstairs for lunch.

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 That night.

        Alexa was spending the night at Jaclyn's, and fell asleep early. Meanwhile, Jaclyn sat on her bed, staring outside at the stars. She often found herself doing this.

         "Why must things be so confusing?" There was no reply, and Jaclyn knew there never would be.  Almost coincidentally, her phone buzzed at that moment. Kaden was calling her. It was eleven! Jaclyn picked up the phone and went inside the bathroom, not wanting to wake up Alexa.

         "Kaden?" She whispered.

         "Yes, Hi Jaclyn. Sorry I haven't called, there has been some things I had to do. I want to spend winter break with you, so when can I come over?"

         "I didn't say I was free." Jaclyn was shocked at the rudeness coming from her.

          "I...I'm sorry, I mean, are you free to hangout?"

         "Who said I wanted to? You’re going to bring your 'cousin' too?" Kaden gasped and she could almost see his frustration. Jaclyn was shocked at her behavior, but found she couldn't stop.

         "I just thought maybe, since I'm your boyfriend, you would want to see me!" His voice turned angry and Jaclyn ended the call. This probably hurt Kaden badly, but honestly Jaclyn didn't want to even hear his voice right now. Lately they were treading on thin ice, and she felt like every day it could break. She ran out of the bathroom, jumped into bed, and attempted to go to sleep. But she couldn't stop thinking about...Daniel…not Kaden.