Broken Like Me

Chapter Twelve: Family

When Dr.Sugawara announced that today's session would be about family, everyone collectively groaned. Kageyama huffed from his plastic chair in their makeshift circle. He had enough anxiety circulating through his veins. His parents had already plagued his mind too much for one day, and he didn't want them to give them any more of his mental space. He ran his hand through his silky black bangs attempting to relieve his oncoming headache. He prayed that he could get through this session without being forced to share, knowing Dr.Sugawara that didn't seem likely.

Dr.Sugawara was undeterred by everyone's negative attitude towards the topic and smiled eagerly at them as the session began. He divided them into pairs and encouraged them to write down and discuss what they struggle with the most when it comes to their relationship with their family. Dr.Sugawara randomly assigned the groups, Kageyama ended up paired with Yamaguchi of all people. He wasn't sure if it was a blessing or a curse that he didn't end up with Hinata.

Yamaguchi gave him an anxious smile as they turned to face each other. He could feel Tsukishima's eyes boring into his back, but he refused to turn around and acknowledge them.

Neither of them spoke for an awkward moment, Kageyama was clearly going to have to take the lead, "So...umm do you have something in mind? Honestly I don't think I can narrow it down to one thing I struggle with." He spoke hesitantly, he felt like he was doing some sort of stupid group project and he had never been good at those.

Yamaguchi nodded in agreement, still not contributing anything. Kageyama could tell that it was going to be a long ten minutes. Kageyama settled on writing down that his relationship with his parents was distant and mutually uncaring. He wasn't sure if that was enough to satisfy Dr.Sugawara. But to his own credit he was already fighting the desire to fall asleep in his chair.

He looked at Yamaguchi intently stare at what he had written down. The more he observed the boy, the more endearing he found him. His face was sprinkled with freckles thar bridged across his nose. Said nose was scrunched up in concentration as he scribbled anxiously onto his notebook.

After a few minutes of sitting in silence, both of them clearly having written anything they could think of, they began to share. Kageyama found himself comfortable enough with Yamaguchi that he briefly discussed how his parents were overly concerned about their public image, and often berated Kageyama about ruining the family name. He told him that his family was built upon solem dinners, furrowed brows and silent halls.

He swallowed back the desire to talk about his sister, his only other family member. He didn't have the capacity to fully delve into his emotions when it came to her. His therapist had been trying to force the lid off of that topic almost every session now, but he adamantly slammed that pandora's box shut, refusing to discuss his sister.

After patiently hearing him out, and dishing out affirming nods, Yamaguchi finally cleared his throat and seemed to mentally prepare himself to share. He looked at Kageyama from under his bangs. His shoulders hunched over slightly with the weight of his thoughts and his bad posture. He began to speak in a quiet, yet gentle voice. He told Kageyama that he wrote about how he struggled with his parents inability to fathom his eating disorder.

He took a breath and braved on, his voice only slightly wavering, "They didn't understand why someone wouldn't want to eat or how a boy could be starving himself."

He said this to the floor more than to Kageyama. "They think that if eating disorders are real then they must only affect girls, because they are obsessed with their figures."

Kageyama nodded in sympathy, he couldn't comprehend how shitty it was to have your mental health struggles denied because of your gender. Yamaguchi's voice gained some strength as he went on, "It was mainly my dad who was super judgemental about it, and I can't really fully blame him. He grew up really poor with limited resources, so having enough food was always a privilege to him."