Date Her Instead Vol. 3

Chapter Thirteen: Am I Wrong?

"What an idiot..." Michi muttered. To a passerby, these words would sound like an insult. However, instead of them being harsh, they held an incomprehensible admiration. There had already been so much pain in Chiyo's life, yet she kept putting herself through more, with the only reason being that she wanted everyone to be able to be truly happy. That was an amazing concept to Michi, but also impossible to comprehend fully. Why couldn't she understand? Because in order to, it required the willingness to push onward, no matter what your efforts may bring. That was something Michi was unable to do.

Her stubbornness prevented her from even really wanting to understand, and her actions continued to be the hammer that drove down the nail keeping her in place. Just as Chiyo was desperate for happiness and to be wanted, Michi was desperate for things to remain unchanged. Nothing should ever change and if everything is good, why should it anyways? This was the philosophy Michi held, and it was that philosophy that was constantly getting challenged.

One of the biggest challengers was Chiyo, practically forcing change down her throat whether it was intentional or not or whether Michi wanted it or not. It coursed through her body, reaching her mind, the part of her most steadfast. So surefooted, so certain in her words and actions she had been, and now it was being chipped away at in chunks.

While there were many aspects of herself that this was happening to, there was one in particular that made up the second of the two things that Michi had been reminded of by Chiyo's vulnerability. As time had gone on from summer break, each passing day seemed to add more and more distance between Michi and her friends. Furthermore, this was not because they were in different classes. It had nothing to do with their houses not being next-door. There wasn't a lack of common interest, nor was there a clash in personalities.

The fault for Michi's relationships becoming so strained was entirely with her and her alone. That was something that Michi couldn't shake away or bury, because it ran through her brain at momentous speed, hitting all points in such a consistent fashion as it made sure it wouldn't be forgotten. Try as she might, Michi couldn't push down the only conclusion that was correct.

In the process of trying to convince Kanako that Haruna was bad for her, Michi had only driven a wedge in between herself and Kanako. With each attempt, it had been sent farther and farther in, with Michi being the one to deliver each blow. She had created a massive gap, and it was impossible for Michi to deny it.

Through her failures with Kanako, Michi had been harsher with Mayu and Itsuki, causing them to distance themselves from Michi as well. It wasn't like they said it explicitly. No one would, but it was obvious. The way they danced around invites, the way they scurried out of the clubroom together, all in an effort to avoid Michi. All of their actions were done not out of hate or anger, but out of simple confusion and perhaps a little fear. Fear that their friend was no longer who they had believed her to be.

What was it that Chiyo had said that caused Michi to think all of this? It was her past, and the girls that Chiyo had once called her friends. They were crude and awful individuals, certainly deserving of being left alone for all of eternity. What they had done was unforgiveable and the way they had treated Chiyo... it made Michi sick.

But, perhaps what made her feel even sicker was that she couldn't stop drawing comparisons between herself and those girls. Like them, Michi had tried to blackmail Haruna into something. Like them, she had lashed out at those she called her friends when things didn't go her way. "Am I... as bad as them?" Michi wondered. It felt like a valid question. Was she, the one who was single-handedly destroying her own friendships in the pursuit of making everything just the way she wanted, as bad as the girls who used others for their own gain? The two descriptions certainly felt comparable to Michi.