Loser II || WlW

Fourteen

     She's staring at me, her eyes solid black. Her skin still pale, almost glowing white from the years of being strapped to a hospital bed, never feeling the warmth of the sun.

"Mom?" I ask. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" I try to walk toward her but the snow is up to my thigh and barreling through the thick frost proves impossible.

She reaches out to me, her nails long and gray. "Why did you leave me?" she croaks. And rising to a shout. "Why did you leave me, Jo Jo?"

"Mom," I whimper, shaking my head.

"You!" Her voice is so loud, echoing, bouncing around in my skull.

I cover my ears to keep the shrieking from blowing my eardrums.

"You did this to me!"

"Mom, no!"

She takes a slow step toward me, her bare feet blistering purple in the cold.

"Mom," I cry.

Her fingertips brush my cheek and I force myself not to turn away. "You did this to me," she whispers this time.

"No." My voice comes out thick with sobs. "No, mom." I shake my head.

Her lips are pulling into a slow grin as she begins to tilt her head to the side. I'm trying to push away from her, to get free from the snow when a loud crack snaps through the frost-bitten air.

My eyes move to my mother's face but she's deformed; the bones digging into her neck, her head snapped at an ungodly angle. Her body crumples to the ground, the bones still protruding from her neck.

My breathing comes in quick and shallow. I want to scream. I want to cry but I'm frozen, my feet one with the snow. Every muscle in my body clenches as the crumpled heap of my mother stretches her dirty fingernails toward my face.

I suck in a sharp breath but as I'm about to let out a scream, I shoot to a sitting position in bed. The collar of my shirt is soaked in sweat despite the freezing temperatures outside.

Brittany blinks awake and, noticing my rapid breathing, runs her nails over my back softly. "Nightmares?" The word is muffled by her pillow.

"I'm okay," I tell her and kiss her on the forehead. But her eyes are closed and her hand rests motionless on my back. By the way she's breathing, I can tell she's already drifting back to sleep. I rub the sweat from my forehead and grab my phone from the nightstand, remembering I missed my mom's call yesterday.

It's almost three in the morning, but I dial her number anyway.

It seems like time slows down as I wait for her voice on the other end.

Does the line always ring this many times?

Just pick up.

A mix of irritation and worry make my heart pound against my chest. My hand is trembling and I glance at the empty prescription bottles once more, hoping they'll somehow be filled again but they remain empty.

The voicemail is loud in my ear. You have reached the voicemail box of...

I hang up and let out a sigh.

"What's wrong, babe?" Brittany's leaning on her elbow, stifling a yawn.

I shake my head, rub the sleep from my eyes. "My mom called yesterday and I forgot to call her back. And then I had this nightmare..." I sound ridiculous. "I know it probably doesn't mean anything, but she died in the nightmare and I just wanted to call and make sure she's okay."