Loser II || WlW

Eleven

Donna leans forward and rests a hand on my knee. "You should go after her," she whispers.

     I nod. "I know."

     Grace squeezes my hand. "You got this." She smiles.

     I start in the direction Brittany went, only stopping when I reach Clementine. "I will kill you if you ruin this for me," I say, pointing a finger at her.

     Jeremy shoots to his feet, puffing his chest at me. "Don't talk to her that way."

     "I'll kill you too," I snap. "Don't fucking test me. Crazy runs in my family." I walk away before they respond, but the weight of my words hangs in the room. I'll regret that later. I know it. I can already feel the guilt rising in my chest as I follow Brittany's footsteps through the fresh snow toward our cabin.

     She's sitting on the edge of the bed, a glass of wine in her hand. She forces a smile.

     I sit next to her, letting silence hang between us. I don't know what to say. How can I string words together in an order so profound that she'll know that she is my constant? That she is the only thing in life I can count on. That I've never cared about someone like I care about her.

     She leans her head on my shoulder.

     "I'm sorry," I say but it sounds like a question. "Please don't hate me? I didn't mean to..." I shake my head.

     She lets chuckles and we sit in silence again.

     After a moment, Brittany twirls the wine around in her glass. "There's another camper a few cabins down. His name is Arlo. He said he'd take me on some secret hike." She finishes the wine in one elegant gulp. "I'm going to go with him. I think some fresh air might be good for my head."

     I nod. "Okay." The word is choked as it leaves my lips.

     "I want to rail you right now." Her lips brush against my ear.

     I swallow. "Okay." It comes out shakier than the first time.

     "But how romantic would it be to say the first time we had sex was because some girl you hooked up with took a hit at my self-esteem and I made myself feel better by fucking you better than anyone else ever has?" Her eyes search my face as she waits for an answer. "Not very."

     I swallow again. Breathe in, breathe out. Her intensity is suffocating; in the best way. I pull at the collar of my jacket and look at her.

     Her eyes flick to my lips before she pats my knee and stands. "This is healthier."

     "Okay."

     She kisses me on the cheek and grabs her scarf on the way out.

     I only allow myself to sit for a few minutes before I push to my feet and make the trail back to the common room. Donna and Grace are sitting in the same spot on the loveseat but Clementine and Jeremy have wandered off.

     "Let me pour you a drink," Donna says when they read the stress on my face. I sit in the seat across from Grace as Donna walks to the kitchen. We don't talk until Donna comes back with a mixture of rum and coke, heavy on the rum.

     I drink it in one go and look at them. "She said she wanted to 'rail me' but that it wouldn't be appropriate and went on a hike with a stranger instead."

     Grace nods. "Sounds like Brittany." She takes a sip of her drink. "The real question is," she wipes the liquor from her lip, "why have you slept with everyone on this trip but your girlfriend?"