Maribat one shots

Maribat quotes

LILA VS THE INTERNET
Alya: Shut it maritrash! Alya is the most truthful person in the world and you can't convince me otherwise.
Marinette (snorts): Why don't you ask that from the internet?

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LILA VS THE INTERNET 2

Alya: Lila is the most innocent and cutest person alive and you can't convince me otherwise.
Marinette: I don't need to.
Tim: Just go check the definition of innocent and cute on Internet.
Tim and Marinette: Even one search can prove you wrong!

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A NEW WAY TO CREATE HUMANS/ BLOOD AND WATER

Tim: I'm so tired. I can't think straight.
Marinette: I need coffee. Damian...
Damian: No. You are not getting any coffee.
Marinette: But then we will die tired....
Tim: And fatigued.
Damian: Get some sleep and drink more water.
Tim: Sleep is for the week, demon. Right Mari?
Marinette:.........
Tim: Marinette, What happened?
Marinette(suddenly serious): Humans are 70% water.
Tim(also turning serious): Yes.
Marinette: And we are humans.
Tim: So we are like 70% filled bottles.
Damian:.....
Marinette: But we have blood.
Tim: Which is like impurities in pure water.
Damian: Stop right there!
Marinette: So water with red impurities is blood.
Tim: Yes.
Marinette: So instead of eating medicines and food to increase blood, we should just drink some water with red impurities.
Tim(gasp): We can make humans....
Damian: What?
Marinette(gasping): If humans are bottles with 70% water with red impurities-
Tim: So to make humans, we just need to fill a bottle up to 70% and add some red impurities in it.
Damian: This is not making any sense!
Marinette: It makes perfect sense! We have now a way to create humans.
Tim: We should discuss it with the whole world!
Damian:(Drops his head on the table)

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THE TALE OF A NIGHTINGALE AND A ROBIN

Jason: So you met in the circus?
Marinette: Yes.
Dick: She was wearing a very cute looking shirt with meow written on it. (Squeals)
Jason: Why do you remember that? Wait nevermind. So when are you finally going to kiss?
Dick: We already did?
Marinette: Yes we kinda did.(blushing furiously) when we were kids.....
Jason: You gotta be kidding me......
So you are actually another one of dick's ex?
Marinette: No we never dated.
Jason: ...... But you kissed.
Marinette: We were kids.
Jason: That's what I find amusing.
Marinette: We-I-he....
Jason: Oh just say it.
Marinette: I have a crush on him.
Dick: and he is sitting right here.
Marinette: AAAHHHHHHHHH (runs away)

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SHAPE SHIFTING LIZARDS

Marinette: So vampires are human shaped mosquitoes.
Tim: And lizards eat mosquitoes.
Marinette: Vampire slayers kill vampires right?
Tim: And vampires are mosquitoes.
Marinette: (gasp) vampire slayers are lizards!
Tim: And if vampires are real, then we have shape shifting lizards in Gotham.
Marinette: I want to step on them. Hard.
Bruce who was given the duty of babysitting Tim and Marinette when everyone else fainted at the mere thought: ..........

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DOESN'T MAKE SENSE, I KNOW!

Marinette: Who is the last person to die when someone kills them?
Tim: Well that depends on what the situation is.
Marinette: Like if they died then someone has to kill them.
Tim: Yes we need someone to kill them to let them die in the first place.
Marinette: So, how exactly are we going to kill them.
Dick(horrified): GO TO SLEEEP!!
Jason: Who is this them?

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THEIF MARINETTE

Alya: We have to do something to this stealing habit of yours.
Marinette: Stealing? What stealing?
Alya sighing heavily and watching Marinette sitting on Jason's motorcycle, wearing a nightwing themed t-shirt and  just snatched the coffee of a very zombie looking sleep deprived person......... And now she's petting someone's cat?
Alya: Marinette What the hell?
All four batboys running towards Marinette: MARINETTE DUPAIN-CHENG
Marinette: Ooh gotta run....
Alya about to check her phone: Where the hell did my phone go!

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A RING.......

Lila :  (add long rant about damiboo) Oh! He's just so sweet, look this is the ring he gave me for the anniversary, it's worth millions.
Marinette: Ew! that's disgusting.
Alya: What did you say MaRinEtTe?
Marinette: I said..........(realisation)
Marinette: (smirking) I said Wow! That's interesting......
An hour later
Damian bursting through the school doors: You called me beloved?
Fast forward all the rant the class did about who he is and Lila lying.
Damian: ........
Marinette: A ring....
I'll leave the rest up to your imagination. Do tell me what you think happened afterwards.

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WHEN MARINETTE CAME HOME FROM GOTHAM

Marinette's parents: Oh my sweetie. You look so thin. Have they not been taking good care of you.
Marinette's friends: Marinette you look paler than we remember do we need to skin the waynes?
Marinette's enemy's: See, Maritrash have you been eating food of elephants? You look so fat.
Marinette: ..........
Marinette standing in front of the mirror with a measurement tape: I am literally the same I haven't even gained a cm. Have I?

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THE AGE OF THE LADYBUG

Marinette: Alfred you called .....
Ra's: We meet again beloved.
Marinette: We meet again Al Ghul.
Ra's: I am here to take you for our marriage.
Marinette: Marriage?
Jason: But how can someone so old marry someone so young?
Ra's: She's not young. I first met her when I was in my 20s.
Tim: (snicker) not her, you are so young.
Ra's: I am 700 years old-
Alfred: And I believe Miss Marinette is 5000 years old. Am I right miss Marinette?
Marinette: Indeed Monsieur Pennyworth. I was the princess of Egypt at that time.
Ra's: (silently leaves)
Later
Marinette: thank you, guys. I think he believed what we said.
Everyone laughs.

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These were the dialogues/quotes I had, I hope at least one of them will make you laugh.