Not So Nice // (Rewrite)

24 | resist

CW: light mature content

acolyte by slaughter beach, dog

Cedric:

That night we talked and talked, I could talk to her for hours and never get bored. Then we kissed and kissed and kissed some more. She fell asleep in my arms but I couldn't sleep. I was too excited for break.

On top of this, my arms itched to bleed again. It's like I'll never be able to stop. I haven't cut since the night before the Quidditch match against Slytherin. But I want to, no, I need to.

It's like an addiction. I know it's not good for me, but I can't help it. I usually cut one to three times a day. Not all times are because I need to. Once is usually because I need to feel something. I need to know I'm here.

The other two times are because I just need to. I need to see the blood drip, the blade slice. It's a fucking addiction and I can't stop it. But since Sage.

I don't get the first time. I don't need to feel something because she makes me feel everything. I don't need to feel alive through cutting because she makes me feel more alive than ever.

Nevertheless, I still feel the desire to cut for the other two. I try to get up, but she's laying on top of me, and when I try to move, she just hums and nuzzles herself into me more. I guess I'm staying.

This is good, I remind myself.

I look down at her. Her head is nuzzled into my shoulder and her arms wrapped protectively around me. My arms are resting on her back. She's covered in my blankets and wearing my sweater. Mine.

Sage is mine.

I mutter the charm to show my scars and run my fingers over them. Merlin, I wish I could stop. I don't want to keep doing this. You have to, you deserve this. My subconscious tells me.

"Go to bed babe" she mutters, her voice sleep-filled and raspy. I whisper the charm again but this time to conceal them. "What did you say?" she questions.

"Nothing, good night darling." Though she's usually stubborn I assume her tiredness makes her decide to not fight me.

I lay down again and pull her any closer that she can get. Kiss her forehead and close my eyes.

I wake up early as always and check the time quickly, we leave for the train at ten and it's only six-thirty. Sage and I are still touching but this time she's curled up in a ball at my side.

Since she's not on top of me I take the opportunity to go brush my teeth and pee. Opening the door back to my room I hear something from my bed. Is she awake?

"Please," I think I hear. Her eyes are still closed, she's dreaming? "Please D, I I love you." She says turning a bit with a look of sadness on her face. Who the fuck is D? I rush to the bed and shake her a bit. Tears start falling down her face.

"D please." She says again as if she's pleading. I shake her again. Wake up, wake up. Please let this be my own dream. Please tell me she isn't telling someone else she loves them in her dreams.

"Sage, wake up, you're okay," I say trying to comfort her. Her eyes jolted open, eyes scared and glossy. Full of tears. I hate seeing her sad, scared, in pain, fuck. I wrap my arms around her as quickly as I can.

"You're okay, you're okay." I wipe a few of her tears away, and she says

"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Shh, nothing to be sorry for. Nothing at all, come here." I say pulling her even closer. What I said was true, she hasn't done anything wrong, but who does she love.

She's supposed to love me. Wait, do I love her? No no, it's far too early, right? Yes Jesus Cedric you're crazy. I try to focus my thoughts on something else and reach over to my bedside table grabbing a glass of water.

"Drink," I tell her, she nods and takes the glass, starting to drink all the water quickly. "Good girl." she spits out the last sips she was drinking.

"W-what?" she asks.

"I said you're a good girl." she nods and focuses her attention on her cup again. Fuck she's so pretty. She's just woken up and already flawless. I cup her face in my hands forcing her to look at me. "You're okay, yeah?"

"Yes, yes I'm fine. I just get them sometimes, not when I've slept with you, but I don't know what happened must just be nerves."

"I left to go to the loo, was that it?"

"Mm maybe," she says and I brush my thumb over her cheek.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She shakes her head and says

"Not today."

"Okay but when you do I'm here, and I just have to ask one thing." I say I won't ask about "D" because I don't want to seem like a caveman, after all, I am a gentleman.

"Go ahead," she says, taking in a deep breath.

"Whoever hurt you, whoever gave you that scared look in your eyes, and made you cry, You aren't in contact with them anymore, are you?" She contemplates for a moment too long and says

"No."

"I can't tell if you're telling the truth, but if you aren't and they hurt you again. I will hurt them, much more than you can imagine." She gulps and nods, bollocks I sound like a caveman.

She shifts off the bed and raises her arms in the air, stretching, and Merlin, help me when she does that. My sweater lifts up just for me to see the bottom of her arse, covered in panties. She turns back quickly and says

"Perv!" while throwing herself back on the bed smiling.

"Slut!" I reply, not meaning it in any way, but making a joke nonetheless. I start tickling her and she squeals trying to turn herself over.

"Ced stop!" I pull her into a kiss by gripping her chin.

"My slut."

"Mhm, all yours," she says smiling and coming in for another kiss.

"Okay, okay I need to go get ready, and make sure I've packed everything."

"Okay darling, see you on the train." She grabs her skirt and pulls it on, heading out my dorm.

God, I'm falling.

I think about our plans for break and remember Sage is going to the Malfoy Manor. Malfoy, fuck. Draco Malfoy, D.