Not So Nice // (Rewrite)

9 | liability

liability - lorde

CW: Eating disorders, mentions of drinking, drug abuse, underage drinking and smoking, mentions of homophobia

June:

    She won't talk to me. At dinner, she barely looked at me. It's like she has this switch she can turn on and off.

One minute we are cuddling and giggling, not a care in the world, but the next she can't even look at me so much as talk to me.

I know I was never a part of the original five, Blaise, Theo, Pansy, Draco, and Charlotte, but Sage does just fine, and she's just friends with Charlotte.

    Don't get me wrong, Pansy hasn't had it easy, her mom has constantly pushed her to be perfect. This isn't abnormal for Purebloods, especially Slytherin Purebloods. But her mums are a bit different.

She doesn't care about grades, and definitely not sports. She cares about how she looks, how she's perceived.

Since birth Pans has essentially been trained to be the perfect wife, to a Pureblood of course. The kicker is everyone thought Pansy was gay from the first year, but since she "dated" Draco for so long, no one suspected too much.

Until Draco started shagging other girls and Pansy didn't care. Until they would barely interact and then all of a sudden on their way home from Hogwarts, they were a couple again.

We all have our suspicions but at the end of last year, she started "dating" girls none of them lasted long, and she never initiated any of them.

So when she asked me to go on a date at the beginning of the year I hoped it would be different, so far it has. But, now she's ignoring me.

On top of it I obviously, I fit none of the categories above. I'm not Pureblood, I don't plan on becoming a Deatheater, and I'm definitely not going to be the perfect husband.

I'm assuming that's why she isn't talking to me, but I don't really care. She's not letting go of me that easily.

I've been sulking in my room and finally decided to go upstairs to the common room and at least try and talk to her. I walk up and no one's there, expert Blaise.

"Hi," I say, approaching him.

"Hey, want some?" he says holding up a bottle of Gin.

"I think we've all had enough alcohol today," I say

"Maybe." he says with a grin and brings it back to his lips a smirk fading as he sips.

"This might actually help get some answers out of you though so please continue." I retort thinking out loud. To that, he laughs and puts down the bottle

"What's up? And if this is about Pansy I can't say anything about that. Bros before hoes you know?" It stings a bit to see how much I'm really not a part of their group.

"Fuck c'mon Blaise, I'm just trying to help her and she won't even talk to me." I sigh reaching across and taking the bottle from the side table near him. He nods as if he knew this was going to happen.

"What? What does that mean? I know she has never been in a relationship longer than a month, much less two but Merlin's Beard I'm falling in love with her. I'm not letting her go. Especially if she won't even talk to me about it. I know she has a hard time staying with people, I know she's too scared they'll leave her first, but I'm sick of people leaving me. I'm so fucking sick of it. She doesn't understand how perfect she is, how she always will be. Her mind is more beautiful than her skin which is saying a lot. Since her mom is such a bitch, she doesn't believe any compliment unless it's about her looks. I just, I don't care if it's selfish. I can't lose another person I love."

I spit out, by the end of my rant I'm crying and Blaise is looking behind me. Shit. I can feel her presence behind me. I can feel her gaze on my back. I walk out of the common room and run to the astronomy tower.

Pansy:

    I walk up to the common room when I hear a loud voice yelling about something. It isn't late but I was so tired today I was half asleep already.

I walk up to tell the person to shut the hell up and then I see June sitting down across from Blaise. Blaise looks at me and moves his hand downwards, telling me to go back to my dorm. "Bros before hoes" what the fuck does that mean?

I swear sometimes I can't tell if my best friends go to the most prestigious wizarding school or if they go to an American party college and they live in a frat house.

Then I hear her angelic voice. She knows me far too well. I listen to her talk and start crying, god why is she crying? Lost people, who the hell has she lost?

Wait, did she just say she loves me? I walk up the rest of the way, preparing myself to talk to her. But then she runs out.

"Fuck Blaise, fuck fuck fuck!" I yelled waking up everyone else that June didn't already.

"Go get her. Fight for this one Pansy." I want to, I really do. But I'm scared I'll just pass out. I'm more drained than ever. I'm so so tired.

Winter break is coming up and if I don't fit into the dress my mom got me, which mind you are like three sizes too large, she's going to freak.

So, I've been a bit tired. I could use the walk through, I'll sleep when I get back. I walk for what seems like forever and into the cool air outside.

I shiver, pull my robes closer, and walk up to the astronomy tower. Merlin my body feels so heavy.

"June"