"Worthless" (Catradora HS Au)

Help

exams fucking suck im sorry for not being alive ive been having a weird time where everythings going so well but also so bad and also i had exams.

Not beta read obviously

Please don't steal my kneecaps or ribs I swear they'll get a happy ending.

Trigger Warning: Suicide Attempt, everything else even vaguely Catra related in this fic

Catra's POV

I fucked up

I fucked up so bad.

She wasn't supposed to get caught up in this, she wasn't supposed to get involved in my mess. I tried so hard to protect her. And now I not only failed, but I caused her so much pain.

Or well, I'm gonna. Either I call her and hurt her, or mother will end her future. It's obvious which one of those is worse. But I don't want to hurt her. 

I should break things off with her. She'll be safer, she'll be sad but eventually she'll get over me. It's better than your future being destroyed just because your ass of a friend can't leave you alone.

But that's gonna hurt her.

I can't hurt her like this. I can't be the one that hurts again. I'm sorry Adora. I can't do this. Now mother will hurt you and it's all my fault. I'm so selfish.

I did so many things and now Adora is gonna get hurt because of me

At this point she might be better of without me. All I do is hurt people.

I caused my parents to die. I killed them.

I damaged Scorpia's future. I hurt her.

I poisoned Adora. Now she's gonna suffer because of me.

If it hadn't been for me, she wouldn't be at risk of 

All of them would have been better without me. I only hurt people.

I hurt people

I hurt people

I hurt people

It hurts. It hurts so much. I deserve it though. It's okay. I deserved this.

I don't have to clean up the blood. 

I shouldn't have become friends with her. I'm even worse than worthless, I'm toxic. I hurt everyone around me, like a rose. Cool at first glance but spiky and thorny when you get close.

I never meant to hurt her. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry Adora. I'm sorry for coming into your life and acting like a savior when I was the damage.

I'm so sorry.

I have hurt so many people with my existence. They would all be better off without me.

It hurts. I'm so sorry. I just want to end all this. All this pain I've caused and all this pain I feel.

I just want it to stop.

Make it stop.

It hurts so much.

I shakily got on my feet, my vision blurred and shaking. I walked slowly, stumbling and bumping into objects I couldn't see.

What point is there to living if all you do is hurt others?

I pushed down on the door handle with all my weight.  

Do you even deserve to live if you're even worse than worthless?

I pushed the door forward.

I need to do this, It would be better for everyone.

I stumbled into the bathroom, not even bothering to close the door.

Some people might be sad for a bit. Adora, her friends Sparkle and Boseph, others

I reached into the medicine cabinet.

They'll get over it. Once they realize how better it is without me.

I pulled out a bottle of painkillers.

This is gonna hurt. That's okay.

With shaking hands I opened the bottle.

I deserve it.

I swallowed the whole bottle with only slight difficulty.

I want to die.

I felt my head getting light and I let my body fall to the floor.

The pain all over my body got worse, my head starting to ache, my chest hurting a bit more than my probably broken ribs should have caused it to.

It was so cold. It got so cold.

.

.

.

They say that when you're dying, your life flashes before your eyes. I was dying, not close but still dying, as slowly as it was. My life didn't flash, but one scene did.

One memory.

Me and Adora, in the school backyard, having one of our usual chats.

"Hey," she had asked hesitantly, "Do you like being friends with me?"

What kinda question is that, was what I had thought at the time.

"Of course"

She smiled at me. It was a smile that made her seem brighter than the sun. "I'm glad. I like being friend with you too."

I don't want to die.

I just want things to get better. I don't want to end things. I made a mistake. I can't die. Not now.

With shaking hands i reached for my phone. I called the number as soon as I saw it.

"...hey... I fucked up..."

A small sob escaped my throat.

"I need help"

This chapter has been brought to you by, sleep deprivation and mental breakdowns. Again, very sorry if I portrayed anything wrongly, I no longer remember what it felt like to want to die, which is a good thing and proves that things do get better but its also making this feel inaccurate.

Catras not mentally stable, this is still not a very healthy mindset but hey, at least she realized she doesn't want to die at that moment.

Also hey, another cliffhanger! Am I not the nicest?

As always, see u when i get motivation again. Next chapter is the actual climax, called hold on like the song this fic was based on. Aka Adora pov i guess.

comments motivate me so if u have something to say, say it