Dear Estella,

39. hearts-to-hearts

"Utah?"

I nod, breaking off a piece of my protein bar and popping it into my mouth. Asher holds his hand out for a piece. I smile, tearing a piece of before handing it to him.

"What do you guys do for Thanksgiving?"

I watch the vapor come out of my mouth as I speak, courtesy of the cold temperature. My thin sweater doesn't do a great job of keeping me warm.

"Going to my aunt's house," Aaron replies as he rubs his hands together. "We do the same thing every year."

"Fuck, I live for Thanksgiving." Devin sighs with a smile. "The food, and it's—"

"That's it," Asher interjects. "That's the only exciting thing about Thanksgiving."

"Well, if you would've just let me finish, dickhead." Devin rolls her eyes before continuing. "I was gonna say that it's one of the only times I get to see my cousins from the Philippines."

"That's nice." I smile.

"Mhm," Asher adds. "Super cute."

I turn my head toward him, shaking my head subtly as I shrug my shoulders. I'm still not sure why he can be so mean at times. It makes me wonder. Maybe one day I'll ask.

"Were you an asshole from the moment you were born or did your super sad 'I'm so rich' life make you that way?" Devin asks.

He looks at her with the same dead expression that usually takes over his features when they bicker. Then, he smiles. An emotionless smile. "Straight out of the womb, Dev."

The first bell of the day rings, abruptly ending their argument. I don't think I've ever been more grateful for the obnoxiously loud ring I hear every morning.

"Let's go," Aaron says as he wraps an arm around my shoulder. "I'll walk you to first period."

Devin walks away, annoyed with Asher's antics. I turn around, watching him trot down the steps and back to the parking lot. I unwrap Aaron's arm from my shoulder.

"What are you doing?" He asks.

"Asher's leaving."

He turns around to face the lot. "He's always doing that," he replies, wrapping his arm around me again. "He'll show up later, Estella. Come on. We're gonna be late."

I remove his arm from my body again as I slowly take a step down. "I'm— I'm just gonna go talk to him really quick. Just to make sure he's alright."

"Estella, you'll be late to first."

"It's fine." I wave him off. "I'll be there in a sec."

Without another word, I trot down the steps. My feet move fast against the pavement, trying to catch him before he can get inside of his car and speed out of the parking lot the way he always does.

Last time he left, I let him go. And when he showed up, he entire demeanor was different. Something was off.

I'm not letting him go again.

Once I reach his car, I quickly make my way over and open the passenger door.

"What the fuck?" His head whips around to face me. His eyes widen. "What are you doing, Estella?"

I furrow my eyebrows, offended. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

The audacity. The attitude.

"It looks like you're leaving," I reply.