You keep me calm

The beard

I'm taken aback by her bluntness and if I wasn't so angry I probably would've laughed. 

Reluctantly I finally look at her properly. She is very petite, dressed impeccably in a tight fitting red dress with her hair pulled back into a tight ponytail. Even I have to admit she is stunning. She has an aura of confidence and determination as she talks over the finer details with management. 

Finally she turns and walks over to Harry, who is sitting forward in his chair, arms resting on his knees and staring at the floor. He looks up to her as she stands in front of him, pushing his hair out of his face. 

"Harry, I hope that this will help both of us, and the rest of the band. I am paying for this so please don't mess it up ok? I really need this to work." There is a hint of vulnerability in her voice, causing Harry to give her a soft smile. 

He stands up and offers her a hand to shake, agreeing to do his best. She gives him a thankful smile and steps forward to give him a hug. He freezes for a split second before giving her a tentative hug back.

I narrow my eyes at the interaction, anger coming back in full force. She is already touching him, right in front of me. I just want to walk over there and push her away. And also slap Harry for being so nice to her. 

She says her goodbye her leaves through the door. As soon as she is gone Harry flicks his gaze to me and sends me an apologetic look before walking over to sign his parts of the agreement.

I need to get out of here. I look to the other boys, all of who are looking at me warily while management are preoccupied with Harry. 

"Get me out of here please" I beg quietly. My leg is bouncing with anxious energy and I can feel the familiar tightening of muscles in my throat, meaning a panic attack isn't far away. Angry tears are threatening to fall as I stand up abruptly, chair making a loud noise on the floor. Without looking back I walk over to the door, hearing Zayn say that we are going to the bathroom. 

As soon as I'm out of the room I speed up, just wanting to get away. I turn a few corners as my breathing gets more difficult and I lean against the wall. All I can hear is a high pitched noise in my ears and I clamp my hands over them, sliding down the wall as hot tears fall down my face. 

Zayn finds me curled up, crying and unable to breath properly. I feel him pry my hands away from my ears and hold my hands in his. I look up and can see his lips moving but I can't hear what he is saying. I lets go of one of my hands and motions breathing in and breathing out in time with his breaths.  

I focus on trying to match his rhythm, watching his hand as it moves through the motion. After a few minutes I start to feel everything settle down and before long I am able to breathe again quiet easily and the ringing has stopped in my ears. 

He drops his hand and sighs in relief once he realises that the attack is over. 

"Lou.." he says quietly and I can tell that he doesn't really know what to say. I just look to him and a sob wracks my body, causing Zayn to quickly sit beside me and wrap his arms around me. 

"I'm s.. sorry" I stutter out between sobs. "I'm so angry a..and upset and I d..don't know what t..to do" 

My eyes are stinging as I wipe the fresh tears away but they keep coming. Zayn just holds me tight and lets me cry on his chest. After a while, I manage to pull myself together and remove myself from Zayn's chest. I notice how the front of his shirt is wet and I feel guilty for making Zayn deal with my outburst. 

"Sorry about your shirt" I mutter

He just smiles. "No problem - it's only a shirt"

"It's just.. I only just got him. And now I'll probably lose him when he realises that there are better people out there than me." I speak quietly, somewhat hoping the Zayn doesn't hear my pathetic words.

I let out a heavy sigh, mustering the energy to stand up and Zayn follows my lead. 

As I go to walk away Zayn grabs my arm to stop me. 

"Just so you know Harry isn't happy about this arrangement either. He barely managed to stay in that room after you left."

I gave him a half-hearted smile as I led the way back to the office, not feeling convinced but my body is drained of energy and I just want to go to sleep.

Just as we turn into the hallway that leads to the office, we see the other three boys standing outside the door. Liam sees us first and gets the attention of the other two. Harry was standing with his hand running through his hair, a nervous habit he has. As soon as he turned however, I dropped my gaze so I wouldn't have to look at him.

I feel a sense of turmoil from him which gives me a little more confidence that Zayn was right in what he said. Harry walks over towards us and my mouth goes dry. I don't want to do this right now, I need time to decompress. 

"I'm sorry Lou. I didn't know what to do" he says quietly, conscious of the fact that anyone from management could walk out soon. 

I avoid his eyes but respond with "It's fine"

I know he doesn't believe me but our driver takes that moment to tell us the car is ready. I turn on my heel and follow him, as we all walk down and sit in the car in silence as we come to terms with what just happened. 

I doze in the car before Niall shakes my arm to let me know we are back at the hotel. I don't wait for the others as I hop out and make a beeline through the lobby, into the lift and up to our floor. By the time I hear the boys enter the apartment, I am already curled up in my bed with the door shut. 

I just need time to process everything.

~~~~~~~~~~~