Initials | H.S.

14. When you're lost, but you're already home

This all feels way too unreal.

It feels like I was living in a bubble all this time and that bubble just popped leaving me with nothing except the pain and feeling of despair.

I just entered the house after spending the day with Harry, as soon as I stepped inside the apartment, I saw Harris withering and screaming in his sleep. I was completely shocked as the only Harris I knew was the calm and understanding one. He barely looses his temper and always stay in that happy mood with a smile on his face.

Maybe that's where the problem was, he was just not letting any type of emotion affect him, he just put this protective shield around him so he don't get hurt again. I'm trying to be as understandable as I can but to be fair, it still hurts so fucking bad. I was with him for 2 years. He said he wasn't pretending or faking things and I know he wasn't but it all still hurts.

I couldn't stay so optimistic in front of him anymore, I needed time to process everything away from him, well I will be away from him most of the time as I am moving out. It still doesn't feel factual, one part of me wants to ask Harris to just forget everything and be together again, but the second and the practical part of me knows that we both have to stay away.

As soon as I left Harris in the living room after he was asleep, I stepped into his room, and just say on the floor having a full breakdown with tears streaming down my face. Sitting on the floor always calms me.

I cried and cried, so many thoughts running inside my head just smashing each other till it was hard to breathe and stay inside. I picked myself up, changed into some comfortable clothes and washed my face that was puffy from all the crying. I decided I needed to get out of there.

When I got out of apartment, I saw it was six in the morning. It hit me hard when I realised that I should've expected this. I was living in this small bubble of my job, Harris and art that I totally ignored my basic traits of self-dependency. You should never let someone get involved in your life to the point where you forget you had a life of yourself.

I was too busy with everything that I lost contact with my friends and now I don't really have a place to go to.

Well done Millie.

That all brings me here, in front of Chase's apartment. I know he's gonna be pissed that I'm waking him up from sleep, again. I don't even know what I'm doing here, he's the first person that came to my mind, I think he is the only person who won't judge me for being a mess at 6 in the morning. I was standing in front of his apartment door for like 10 minutes since I rang the bell. I started banging his door again as I know he will be in deep sleep.

At the last the door creaked openly abnormally slow as a mop of wild curls glared at me with puffy, sleepy eyes. I was about to speak when Chase simple gestured me to come inside as he closes the door behind me.

He's being creepily quite.