Red

64

I don't remember going back inside the plane last night, but that's where I woke. My back pressed to Van's chest, his arms resting limply over me.

I turn over to face him, careful not move too much and wake him. But when I was facing him, his eyes were already open, he had a tired smile on his face.

Droopy eyes, dark circles, he looked exhausted. It didn't look like he slept well, or slept at all for that matter. "Morning, princess," Van mumbles in his morning voice, it was deep, gravelly, and it made me feel safe.

"Good morning, Van," I say. I'm sure Van didn't feel half as safe as I did when he heard my voice. "Did you sleep fine?" I ask, my eyebrows folded. "You look tired."

"I'm just fine, darling. Slept just fine," he reassures me. He slips his hand underneath his sweatshirt that I was wearing and holds my waist, his fingernails digging ever so slightly into my skin.

It wasn't enough to hurt, just enough to make me gasp, enough to make me look up at him with desperate and innocent eyes, eyes silently asking him to go further, do something else.

But the most I get out of him is a breathy laugh and a kiss on the top of my head. "You don't have to worry about me, you know?" He says.

I nod my head. But I'd always worry about him. I needed him to be safe and healthy as much as he needed that from me.

"Good," he tells me, kissing my head once more.

"Van," I sigh. "Why do you do that?" I curl my toes and bring my hand up to cover my face, feeling small, naive for asking the question.

"What've I done?" He asks, his eyebrows knitted together, his lips in a line.

"Kissed my head," I say.

Van shakes his head, amused. "Because I love you of course," he tells me, kissing my head again.

I swallow. "But...I thought...," I start and then look up at Van, expecting him to finish my thought for me.

He doesn't though. "You thought what?" He asks with a grin. He knew I didn't want to say what was on my mind.

I open my mouth to speak, but can't form any words, so I close it. I feel rush of warmth to my cheeks as Van looked at me, admiring my innocence.

"Van," I plead, dragging his name out, smiling at his own smile.

"Tris," he says, dragging my name out just as I had done his.

"I don't want to say it," I say quietly.

"Why don't you show me then, darling. Show me what you wanted me to do," Van teases me, his smile not fading. He pulls me closer into him, his legs trapping mine between his.

"Can you do it?" I ask shyly.

He shakes his head. "How am I supposed to know what you want? You go on now," he says. I try to squirm away from him, but he keeps me there with his legs.

"But I don't...I don't know how to," I whisper with a small pout on my lips. 

"Yes you do, Tris," he says. "You know more than you think you do."

"But-" I lose track of my thought and sit there quietly, my eyes trailing over his lips.

"Tell me. But what?" Van says. I notice his eyes stuck on my lips too.

"But...I don't want to do it wrong," I say. "I don't want you to not like me anymore if I can't do it."

"That's ridiculous, c'mon. You know I won't ever change how I feel about you, right? I know you're new to this, I don't ever expect you to be perfect. I'll never be perfect either," he says. He twirls my hair in between his fingers. "And, of course, I'll be right here to guide you along."

I pull myself closer to him. "Promise you'll stop me if I'm not doing it right?" I ask quietly, avoiding eye contact with him.

"There is no right or wrong. You're overthinking things," Van tells me.

"Can't you do it?" I ask. I didn't believe Van. I'm sure I would find a way to mess it up.

"I can...but you're going to. You've gotta feel comfortable initiating things too. It can't just be me," he says.

Van pulls me up, holding my bum as he does so. Our noses were touching and I could feel his breath on my skin.

"Helped you out, didn't I?" Van chuckles.

I nod my head. "Thank you," I say quietly and then lean in, tilting my head to the side, my lips hovering just over his.

"Take your time," Van says. His warm breath and teasing smile sent shivers down my spine.

I lean forward and press my lips against his. And that was all I had to do before Van took control again.

He rolled over so he was hovering above me with his legs on either side of me, touching my side. I put my hands on the back of his head, tangling my fingers in his hair.

That quickly ends when he grabs my hands and holds them together above my head, only stopping our kiss for a brief moment. "Uh uh," he hums. "Now you do as I say."

I nod my head eagerly, desperate for his lips to connect with mine again. Van looks over me, starting at my hands pinned to the floor by his hand above my head, then move my down to my face, and then further down.

"Oh, Tris," he breathes out. He kisses my cheek, long enough for me to feel his mouth form a smile. "There's so much I want to do to you."

I didn't know what Van meant, really. He already had the opportunity to do whatever he pleased, he was already in control. The way he said it, though, made me squeeze my legs together, feeling warm down there for the first time.

"So much to do to you," he whispers, his lips brushing against my ear as he did so.

"Van," I say, my voice squeaky, timid, especially compared to his deep voice. Van places gentle kisses on my jawline and I turn to the side to give him easier access.

"Tris," he says, dragging out my name as he continued focusing on his trail of kisses which became more aggressive as he moved toward my lips once again.

"Please...do it," I say shakily, still unsure of what he wanted to do to me, but knowing I wanted it anyway, knowing I wanted Van.

"Not today, love. You're not ready yet," he says. He focuses on my bottom lip, biting it, gentle, but hard enough to make me wanting more.

"And that's okay, Tris."