Red

62

"Listen, Tris," Van says, but I cut him off just like before.

"I don't want to listen to you. You kept a secret from me," I say, hoping Van couldn't tell from my voice that I was crying. I knew it was stupid for me to assume he couldn't tell, though.

"A secret?" Van scoffs. "Right, so everything I haven't told you yet is a secret now, isn't it?"

I plug my ears with my fingers, trying to show him that I wasn't listening to him, wanting to see how far I could push him before he got really mad.

And, apparently, that alone was enough for him to get really mad. He grabs my wrists and pulls my hands away from my ears before holding them together in my lap so I couldn't move them.

"A child, that's what you are, princess," Van says. A smirk forms on his face when he notices my tears stop, my breathing become noticeable. Because now all I could think about was Van, the way he moved closer to me, the ways his eyes were stuck on mine. Crying was the last thing on my mind.

"You're acting like a child. And that's why I'm having to treat you like a child. This is the most ridiculous thing. You're seventeen, act like it," Van says, his grip getting tighter around my hands.

"Well you're in your twenties. Grow up and stop keeping secrets," I argue. "And let go of my hands. You're hurting me."

His grip loosens, just slightly, and when I look up to Van's face I see almost an apologetic look on his face before he returns to his angry state.

"It's not a secret. It was never a secret. What did you expect, love? For me to not hang around girls before all this happened? That's a little ridiculous, don't you think? Considering I didn't even know who you were," Van says.

The next words he says roll off his tongue so easily, too easily. "I'm starting to wish I still didn't know who you were, quite honestly. You're becoming too much to handle."

I felt my heart drop. Those words were like a bullet to the head. I wanted to burst out crying, but I didn't for some reason. It was like I knew Van was going to say that to me eventually, I knew he wouldn't be able to put up with me forever. I just hadn't expected it to be so soon, so sudden.

I take a shaky, shallow breath and look up at him. "What?" I ask, my voice squeaking out.

Van shakes his head. "Nothin, love," he says, calm all of the sudden.

But I shake my head. "No," I say firmly. "You said you wish you never met me." I squeeze my eyes shut and look down, trying my best not to lose it in front of Van.

"Tris, darlin, you know I don't mean that. I'm upset, c'mon, you know how I get sometimes," Van says. One of his hands lets go of mine and makes its way under my chin, lifting my head up slowly.

I push his hand away and turn to the side before taking his sweatshirt off and throwing it in front of me.

Van stands up and grabs the sweatshirt. We were close to the water, and if he didn't get it now it probably would have been soaked by the waves.

"We can't be doing this all the time," Van says, frustrated, but I could tell he was still trying to keep his cool. "Put this on now, Tris. I'm not having you catch a cold." He tossed the sweatshirt on my lap and waits for me, arms crossed, looking down at me.

I push the sweatshirt to the side and shake my head. "If you wish you never met me then go away. I'll pretend I never met you either," I mumble. It pained me to say it because I knew it wasn't true. I couldn't just pretend to not know Van.

"You're getting hung up on the little things, Tris. It was one sentence, I was mad, it's not true, and you know it's not true. You've heard me say how much I love you millions of times over," he says, picking up the sweatshirt and dropping it on my lap once again.

He sits down next to me, close enough that our legs were touching. "Don't tell me that stupid thing I said has more of an impact than all the times I've told you I love you," he says.

He rests his hand on my thigh. "Tris, talk to me," he says, his voice stern. "Things always work out when you talk to me, so go on."

I shake my head and push his hand off of me before burying my head in my arms, hiding away from him.

Van stays quiet for a few minutes, but I can tell he was still there. I could hear him breathing and feel his leg touching mine. My vision became blurry with my tears as I thought of Van being mad at me.

"When are you going to tell me, Tris?" Van finally speaks, but I didn't know what he was talking about.

I peak out of my arms to look over at him only to find him looking right back at me. Thankfully, it was dark enough that he couldn't see me crying. I wondered if he was watching me this whole time.

I go back to hiding away from him  in my arms.

"Tell me, Tris," Van says. "Tell me the answer."

"T-to what?" I stutter, starting to think I knew what he was talking about.

"Now, I know you're not trying to play dumb right now, are you?" He asks, humor in his voice.

I feel him pick me up, one hand on my bum, the other on my back, as he moves me to his lap with my legs on either side of him. He keeps his hands exactly where he was holding me and tries to pull me as close as he can.

"I want to know," he whispers in my left ear. His breath was hot, but it sent shivers down my spine, and I could tell Van noticed when he let out a chuckle. 

"Whether you love me or not," he finishes his sentence.