The Rent Boy (EDITING)

Chapter Twenty-Two: A Few Good Words-

    "There's no such thing as can't." I said, quietly. Alex's eyes bored into mine, a single tear falling down his left eye, subsequently followed by one down his right before he dropped his head and wiped his nose on his sleeve. He fell back against the wall, sliding down until he was sitting, pulling his knees close up to his chest like a little lost boy. Scared and broken.

    I copied his actions, sitting beside him, ready to listen.

    "When I left...when we had that fight. Your words they- they felt like a bullet to the chest. I replayed them over in my head whilst I was running. Pathetic. Fucking pathetic. I know you said you didn't mean it, but it's true. I am pathetic. I'm selfish, I know that. Still, hearing it from you, in that tone...I'd never heard you sound so spiteful. It hurt."

    I felt that familiar pang of guilt deep inside my chest, each time I recalled the fight. Seeing Alex's expression. I wanted to say something, reassure him that I honestly didn't mean it and that he's not pathetic, or selfish. But instead I just kept quiet and let him continue without interruption.

    "At the time I didn't know where I was heading, but I ended up going to a bar. I met a guy there after a little while. Sam, was his name. I don't know what I was thinking but, next thing I know I'm at his place with a group of his friends. They're getting stoned whilst I'm stood off to the side, feeling nervous. Sam told me to join in, to live a little."

    "I'd never done stuff like that before. Fuck, I've seen what it can do to people. So I panicked, told him I'd better leave. When I made for the door, Sam and one of his friends grabbed me and pulled me back. Told me the 'party was just getting started' and threw me down onto the floor. By then everyone was either smirking or laughing, staring down on me like I was some sort of toy or...whatever."

    I squeezed my eyes shut as I waited for the next part. But I was thankful that the next part wasn't delivered in great detail.

    "And I'm sure you can guess what happened from then on." He spoke the sentence so quietly, but the pain behind his words practically screamed at you. "Anyway. As you can imagine, it's not something I like to think about. So, I wanted something to take the memories away or...just help me escape them for a little while." 

    He slipped his hand into his pocket, retrieving what looked like a little plastic bag full of flour. But of course, I wasn't that naive. He held it out towards me on his palm, which had me wondering for a moment if he wanted me to take it. But when I started to move my hand, he balled his fist up around the bag tightly and pulled it back towards him.

    "So you turned to drugs?" My voice was so small. Surprised with a mix of shock; so much so that I couldn't even think to be angry or worried in that moment. Alex averted his gaze, eyes flitting across the opposite wall from left to right. 

    "I didn't know what else to do, Ash. But I swear I'm gonna stop using! I will. I just- I didn't have you and I didn't have anyone else. I just felt so lost." His voice wavered, another few drops of tears sliding down his cheeks, which he swiftly wiped away. "I'm really sorry." 

    It was then that the worry began to set in.

    "You gotta get help, Alex. You gotta go to the doctors, go to rehab. Get yourself right, again." I noticed I sounded panicked now, words rushing out my mouth without a seconds pause for breath. 

    Alex jumped to his feet, taking a few steps away from the wall and staring at me with bewilderment. "What? No. I'm fine. I'm not a fucking addict. I'll stop soon, I swear." 

    "Oh come on, Alex!" I shouted, standing up too. "Be realistic. You'll say 'I'll stop tomorrow' and then tomorrow turns into a week and a week turns into a month and then before you know it, you've ruined yourself. No backroad, no escape. Just and endless spiral downwards."