I'll Never Finish This Book

ELEVEN

November 30:

Turned out, the argument he had with his roommates a while ago was only one of many. There were issues with money, especially after Eli had gotten fired. Rather than helping, they kicked him out without any place to go. I understood in between his stifled sobs that he was kicked out of the apartment that night he came over. The color of his eyes matched that of his blood-spattered knuckles. It hurt seeing him like that, but I couldn't help realizing he came to me first.

When he processed everything, we discussed where he'd live. He planned to move in with his Grandma in Long Island. That meant he'd be transferring to another college and falling a year behind. There had to be something else. There had to be another way and another place he could live.

I cared more about him moving far away from me than I did about his education. Being around him made me selfish, and allowing it to cloud my judgment, I suggested something I never thought I would.

"Move in with me." Those words were out there before I could stop them.

He jerked his head back. "What?"

My face lit up. "You heard me." I stood in front of the couch. "Move in with me." There was an air of readiness about me.

He stared at me, incredulously. "I...can't."

My face went pale. "Why can't you?"

He stood up, towering over me. "Because then we'd be living together."

"And?"

"I don't have any rent money." He threw his arm up to the side. "I don't want to lose you too." He headed towards the door.

"Eli, wait." I tugged the back of his shirt. "I don't even pay rent. Why would you have to?" He turned around to face me. "Now, you can either continue coming up with excuses as to why you can't move in with me, or you can move in with me." I held on to any last shred of hope.

"I don't need any pity," he mumbled, his voice cracking.

My heart sunk. I wanted him to move in with me. As bad as I felt about the situation he was in, I wanted nothing more than to have him around me more often. He mumbled something about having to go back and fix things. I tried to block the door, but the weight in my knees held me down. I wanted to say something, anything, but was left with choked gasps. I watched from my window as he walked over to his car and threw his backpack onto the backseat.

What am I doing? I stormed out of the apartment, leaving the door open. "Eli, wait!" I called out, running down the stairs and running over to him just moments before he was getting ready to drive away. A heaviness settled in place of the excitement when he drove off. I didn't know what I was expecting. He wasn't going to instantly agree to move in with me. I really choose the right time to ambush him with something like that. I knew he wouldn't be quick to agree, but I didn't expect him to not want anything to do with me.

With my head hanging low, I headed back to the stairs. Despite everything, I worried about him. Where would he go? Was he going to be safe? Did he have somewhere to stay? Would I ever see him again?

I rested my back against the door and slid down. I looked over at the couch where he'd been sitting. I couldn't believe our last conversation was a fight. I would have told him how I felt about him if that meant he'd stay. I would have told him how I felt about him if I knew it at the moment. I fell for him. Even at his worst, I still wanted to be around him.

"Rhodes," his voice called from behind the door, followed by knocking. My heart leaped to my throat. "Rhodes? You in there?"

I stood in front of the door, hesitating to open it. I couldn't face him. If he was going to reject me again, looking at his face would've crushed me.