Chapter Eight- Ruin

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I pulled in a deep breath, attempting to detach myself. I was going to hurt him again, hurt them all again. I had to. My parents weren't even shinobi. They wouldn't stand a chance.

It was always easy to tell when Sen was asleep, because he and his Mother had the same habits. His mouth would fall wide open, his arms and legs spread as wide as possible. Itching with tension and impatience, I took this as my cue to leave. I'd probably never see them again. I didn't look back.

I grabbed the bottle of water from the nightstand by my bed and pulled myself out the window- the night shift nurses would be wandering around the halls and I didn't have the patience to try and sneak past them. I was tired, tired of walking, tired of the constant stress and trauma that was my life.

But, even so, I pressed on. Even though I knew that once I finally reached that man to intercept him he would no doubt kill me. Some part of me felt a strange sense of relief at that.

It wasn't that I'd given up- oh no, my will to live was just as strong as ever.

I couldn't describe exactly the cause. Perhaps it was that, when I was with Danna, I could forgo responsibility. I only had to look out for myself.

It felt like I had been walking for years. The desert was freezing cold due to it being pitch black night, the dunes seeming to stretch on forever. Every so often I'd see that head of red hair appearing in the distance- only to squint and then sigh as I realised it was only my imagination. I probably would have been happier if it was a mirage, a trick of the light... but there was no light and there was no lying to myself. My brain was showing me what I wanted to see.

When the Sun finally broke the Horizon I was confused, impatient and even more tired than before. Surely we would have crossed paths by now? My mind was a mess; exhaustion combining with conflicting emotions and heat induced dizziness to nearly knock me back with nausea. A small part of my brain was telling me to find shade and rest awhile, but that was snuffed by the image of Danna. His face filled me with dread, but I couldn't remember why. I wasn't sure why I was fighting him anymore- I couldn't remember what I was fighting for anymore.

All I knew was that he lied.

He threatened to come and hunt me down if I wasn't back in time. And yet, so far, there was no sight of him. He'd put me through all of this just to abandon me in the desert?

Again, the little voice murmured to me, whispering sweet, poisonous words. "He's forgotten you. This is good! Go back home, we can forget this all ever happened."

My whole body threw itself out of balance, as though trying to rear away from the idea. The voice was making promises she couldn't keep again. The voice was giving me hope. That was unacceptable.

My legs pushed on. If I reached Danna... I had to make it and then the voice would stop. The voice would know she was wrong. "He hasn't. He wouldn't." I laughed slightly, but strange, angry tears were running tracks down my face. "But why isn't he here? Why hasn't he come for me?" I pressed my hands over my ears, trying to drown out the voice. "Why am I still alive?"

Was I not good enough? I wouldn't stand for that. "But I want to go home. Be with my family." My teeth gritted, my words streaming out somehow forced as I conversed with the voice. "They don't understand. No one does. I'm not good enough. Not for anyone."

I stumbled along, kicking up sand. My stomach churned and every breath I pulled in burned my throat and the sun was beating down viciously on my body. I could feel the little exposed skin I had burning. Thankfully the voice was drowned out by my labored breathing. It didn't seem she had anything left to say.

I hadn't yet realised that I was the one having a conversation with myself.

It took me just over another day to finally reach my destination. The hunk of rock blocking off the entrance stood firm and tall, and I had no idea how to open it. Knowing that there would be no other was in, I more or less fell against it, sliding down to the floor. I didn't have the strength to stand.

It became immediately apparent that I had passed out as soon as I opened my eyes once more. The white ceiling had returned, and I felt relief hit me like a punch in the chest. I was concerned by the positivity of this feeling.

"You sure took your time coming back, hm?" That smooth voice rang out once more as I sat up, realising slowly that I was not chained up as I had expected. I felt sick.

You took your time coming to get me. Part of me wanted to say, but I stifled it, surprised at myself. Even my thoughts weren't my own anymore, and I didn't like what they were doing to me.

"You're going to take responsibility for making me wait, Gaki." There was something of a glint in his eye; the only clue that he was furious. "You've caused a serious hold up in my experiments. I hope you're pleased with yourself."

I just glared at him. He stood up, and I couldn't help but shrink back slightly as he crossed the room slowly to enclose on me. My eyes grew wide as he got closer, my heart thudding with a mixture of nerves and adrenaline in the innate fight-or-flight response that I thought I'd lost.

Something on his face was sharp as he knotted his left hand in my hair, pulling so I had no choice to let my head tip back. I had no will to resist him, not anymore.

His teeth caught hold of my lower lip, biting hard. The pain was unforgiving as I felt the flesh split under the pressure- I felt I deserved it. It was a small consolation; affirming that there was enough sense in me to still understand that pain was unpleasant. It did nothing to quell the reaction my body had to his proximity. My heart raced, insides quaking with fear, the conflicting emotions making me dizzy. He pulled away, instead moving to hiss in my ear, "I will ruin you." The blood he had caught from the laceration on my lip slid easily off of his finger and into the small vial he held.

Once he was no longer supporting my body, my knees gave, causing me to fall to the floor. Tears welled in my eyes that followed him as he left, a different kind of pain filling my chest. The door closed, and I threw myself down, head in my arms and body curled up as I wept silently.

What is wrong with me...

It occurs to me that Sasori saying "I will ruin you" is kind of rapey... but it isn't meant in that way. So shhhh xD

Sasori really is kind've a dick. Like, more fucked up than I intended in this fic. And pretty one-sided, tbh. Though it will probably stay this way anyway- with Yuki feeling things and Sasori being a dick to her. But there. Never said this fic would be fluffy. I don't want to cheapen it, so...

Yeah. While Yuki's in the desert, I realise that my writing is jilted and doesn't flow well, nor make much sense. But I was trying to show somewhat the insanity that is slowly eating away at her psyche. It's a hard thing to do in first person.

Anyways. Enough of my babbling. Let me know what you thought! c:

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