Dolan twins little sister

· Feeling Numb ·

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Alyssa's POV

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The alarm rings for the fifth time this morning and I lazily smack my phone to shut it up. I open my eyes and sigh when I feel a cement-like substance fill my heart, filling it and making it weigh my mood down. Today will not be a good day.

I sit up and rub my face. All I want to do is lie back down, hide under the covers and be left alone all day. However, school is still a thing and I have a test today.

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I decide to leave my makeup bag alone and just barely manage to get myself in the shower. After, I get dressed, brush my hair and lie back down in bed until my phone tells me the time to leave.

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The first period is painfully slow. My math teacher drones on and on about equations and ratios while I concentrate on trying to breathe properly. I jump at the chance of getting to listen to music and immediately plug my ears to not hear the commotion in the classroom.

When third period rolls around, I've had enough. I'm tired, weirdly down and panicked. Thankfully, it's English and I've finished writing my essay the night before. I take the chance to rest on my hoodie and before I know it, third period is over.

***

Noah asks me a few questions about my weekend and I just reply with shrugs or nods. He's gentle with my mood and I know he knows I can get like this at times. My anxiety gets the best of me and I shut down.

"You want a cookie?" Noah asks, offering me a delicious smelling cookie under my nose.

For a minute I want to say yes and savour Noah's grandmother's cookies. They smell really good.

You're fat enough. Don't you dare take it.

"No thanks," I sigh.

"you sure?"

I nod and Noah sighs. He stands to get something and hugs me on the way out.

"I'm here if you need anything, babe"

"Thanks, babe," I reply, feeling my eyes tear up.

***

When I get home I ignore everyone sat in the living room and go straight to my room. I have homework, but end up curling into a ball and staring at the wall for a good half hour. I don't have the energy to take my shoes off or get changed into something comfier than jeans.

I don't cry. That's the thing about feeling so numb and useless. You don't feel anything. All you can feel is how much heavier your body feels than usual and the thoughts going on in your head.

Texts from Noah and other friends pop up on my phone as I contemplate cutting myself again and I mute my phone. I feel guilty for worrying them but sometimes it's annoying when they don't understand that I need time alone. I can't help getting angry with them about that.

There's a knock on my door about an hour later and when I tell them to come in, I'm not expecting Lauren.

Her dark curls make her eyes bluer and her carefully manicured nails curl around the door handle.

"Hey, honey, Gray's asking if you want to eat something?"

I shake my head no and Lauren frowns.

"You okay?"

I nod, but she doesn't look convinced.
Lauren walks towards me and sits on the bed. With kind eyes, she asks me about my day.

"It was okay," I shrug. "I just don't feel so good"

"Alright, well, if anything's wrong you can always talk to me"

"Thanks, Lauren"

She gives me a hug and I sigh softly. She's amazing. Lauren's a therapist and the perfect match for Grayson. For one, they both love Halloween and second, they're both chilled and adult like. Unlike Ethan and Kristina who are crazy sex addicts.

***

After a while, I tell myself to cheer up and go downstairs.

The twins and girls are sat on the couch watching a movie. It looks romantic and I divert my eyes to the floor when a sex scene comes on.

I walk into the kitchen quietly and jump when someone puts their hand on my shoulder.
I turn around and see Grayson.

"You okay?" He asks.

I nod. "Yeah"

"You sure? Lauren said you seemed kinda down"

"I've just been having an off day, you know?"

Grayson nods sympathetically and folds me into a hug. His stubble scratches my cheek as I rest my head on his chest, but I don't mind.

"Honey, you know you can come talk to Ethan and I, right?"

I nod. "Yeah, I know. I just didn't want to talk to anyone today. I'm feeling better now, but I think I'm going to have an early night"

"You go do that," Gray smiles warmly. "I'll come check on you in a bit, yeah?"

"Sure"

He kisses my cheek and I make my way upstairs with a glass of water. When I get to my room, I log onto Netflix and watch a few episodes of Derry girls.
After a while, I start to get tired and eventually doze off.

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A bit of a boring chapter but I promise there will be better ones out this week (hopefully).
Thank you for the support.

If you enjoyed then pls leave a vote, comment or suggestion of what you'd like the next chapter to be about! Much love xxx